SMILE!

My mind and body are exhausted but I can't sleep so I find myself at a local Williamsburg bar with wireless (still need to call the cable company so I can get internet in my apartment). So . . . what's been going on? I barely know myself. I gave myself a July 1st deadline to pull my life together, but for once I think I'm actually ahead of schedule. I'm happy. I frequently catch myself walking down the street with a smile on my face for no reason. It's nice. Yeah, nights get a hella lonely, but hey, that's what cuddling with my cats are for.

Work is stressful because I'm living gig to gig. Last week was good for work, but this week looks a wee bit slow. I've never had to live paycheck to paycheck before and it's not something I wish on anyone. I am determined to live the life I want to live though. If I can survive by just doing what I love then I will have found success. Even if it is paycheck to paycheck for a while.

I feel like I'm getting back to my old self. I was working in Coney Island on Saturday (doing a wine tasting- I love people and I love wine, so why not?) and it was blazing hot. So what did I do when I got off? I briefly thought about stripping down to my skivvies and diving into the ocean but then regretfully pondered my underwear choice of the morning (pale yellow- not great when submerged in water). But then I thought, you know what? Fuck it. You only live once. And if I have to flash half of Coney Island to cool off, then so be it. (Ok, ok, I'm not THAT ballsy. I kept on a long tank top, but it was still pretty invigorating.)

I dove in. And I swam. I swam in that dirty city water and had the time of my life. I can't even begin to describe the happiness I felt while floating on my back in the Atlantic. After I had sufficiently cooled down, I made my way back to the boardwalk where I watched a Puerto Rican dance party and chatted with drag queens. And for the first time in God knows how long, I was glad that I was by myself. I didn't have to worry about someone else judging me or being uncomfortable. I made my own rules. I was on my own time table. And it was . . . refreshing. Refreshing in a way I haven't felt in years.

I've been playing a lot lately and it's awesome. I don't know where along the line adults stopped playing. Yeah, I might still act like I'm five, but who cares? I'm professional and responsible when I need to be, so I can act like a child on my off time.

So get out there people. Stop staring at your computer in your cubicle and go play. Go run around the block and act like a lunatic. Try doing some Parkour in the stairwell. Just go play. I promise you, you'll be happy that you did.

And smile. If you're lucky enough to be looking at a computer, then life is pretty damn good :)