City of Dreams

I came home from a job this morning, walked in the door, and my cats where doing the cutest thing. They both had hopped into their cages for traveling and were just sitting there waiting for me to take them somewhere. My little babies have become world travelers over the past few months. I picked up my phone to text their Papa, my ex, and then it happened. The moment. The moment where you're smiling and typing a text, only to have it suddenly hit you that you can't do that anymore. That you broke up and have no right to selfishly keep him as a friend. Hands shaking, I deleted the text and broke into tears. The saddest part of breaking up isn't the loss of a lover or boyfriend, it's the loss of a best friend. A best friend of five years that I told all my secrets too. A best friend that I stayed up reading with late at night and talking with for hours. A best friend that I texted the little details of life to everyday.

I think this is the first time since the breakup that I truly mourned over the loss of my friend. Oh, I've mourned over plenty of things, but so much in my life was happening, so many changes that took place so fast that I kinda just pushed it to the back of my mind and shoved my feelings deep into my heart. Now that my life is finally becoming more stable, they're coming up again. And this time I have to deal with them.

This is all a good thing though. After I shed my tears this morning, I felt a weight lift off of me. I knew that it was going to be ok. I have a roof over my head, an awesomely painted turquoise and red bedroom, and my two cats who mean the world to me back in my life. I have a boatload of friends that have stuck by me through it all. Yeah, there are those who haven't, and new friends I thought I had, who turned their backs as quickly as they had showed me their faces, but everyone goes through that. Life wouldn't be so sweet without the struggles. And right now? Well, it's starting to feel pretty sweet.

When all else fails, I look up into the beautiful Brooklyn sky and a solid peace fills me. This is where all my dreams are going to come true. I just know it.