Make Over of the Soul

I. Have. Been Such. An. Idiot. Alienating my friends, not listening to advice from loved ones, obsessing like a crazy person, and whining and crying like some dumb heart broken sorority girl. What the hell have I been doing? That's so not me! That has been the past three weeks. But no more, I say! No more!

Because really, I think I seek the drama that boys bring into my life so that I don't have to think about my own issues. The fact that I don't know how to live any other life than that of a starving actress. The fact, that I'm scared I might never make it. The fact that this is the first time in years that I am truly alone. The fact that if I can't make rent next month, I have no one to lean on but myself.

This revelation has been an excellent one. I suddenly am at peace because I know what I have to do. And it all starts tomorrow when I will clean my wreck of an apartment. By Christmas I am going to be back to the funny, caring confident friend that I used to be. This is a makeover of the soul. No more dating. Focusing on me.

Awesome.

PS- If you are one of my friends I a) haven't seen and/or b) haven't listened to your advice when it's because you care about me, I am truly sorrow. I think this is the first time I've made a public apology. It's oddly unsettling. I don't like admitting I'm wrong, but there you have it.