Oh Carpe Diem

One of my best friends recently told me that one of the reasons I feel so much is that everyone always says, "carpe diem, live everyday like it's your last," but that I actually do that. It's an interesting point because I recently went through some old college papers from an acting class and wrote about this very topic.

Back then, I made the point that it was impossible to live everyday like it was your last because we would end up consumed by emotion and consequences. I basically wrote that if you feel that passionately every second of everyday then you would go crazy. I'm not sure when the shift took place where I went from believing you couldn't, to actively doing it.

She's right though. There is a very fine line between living everyday like it's your last and reality. That line however, often gets very blurred. It's the reason why I fall so hard for people, it's the reason I get so happy and then so down. It's why I have no idea what's going to happen in the future (although I guess no one does, particularly artists in NYC), and am sometimes consumed by the past.

So what does this new revelation mean to me? I can't say I'm sure. I need a break from myself. I need a break from all these feelings. I'm pretty sure that if you looked up "emo" in the dictionary there would be a picture of me next to pictures of people reciting poetry in small dark venues.

So . . . I am going to try not to put so much pressure on myself to live everyday like it's my last. Because hotdamn, that gets exhausting! So today? Well today I'm just going to calmly live. And guess what? Tomorrow I will too. Because I doubt this is my last day on earth. And if it is? Well, I've already accomplished a lot in my 20 something years, so I'd be ok with that too.

Peace and Love :)

E