My Crazy is My Norm

Friday afternoon, I snuck out of MHDJ, made my way on the subway (which was an adventure as always since uptown trains were only going express and I of course was on a local track) to port authority. I rushed through the crowds down to the line going to Baltimore, waited impatiently in line, and finally plopped down in my seat with relief. I had decided that since I finally had a free Saturday I was going home to visit my pregnant bff Tee and soak in some fresh Maryland air. As soon as I got to my parent’s house I took a walk outside and laid in the backyard grass, starring up at the trees blowing in the wind.

What a difference four hours can make. The hustle and bustle of New York seemed worlds away as I felt a calm breeze blow over me and my whole body relax. Looking up into the sky, I pondered at how it is so much easier for me to have some kind of faith while in Maryland but not in NYC. I don’t know if it’s because my family is there or if it’s because it’s full of nature, but something akin to spirituality hit me that I would typically scoff at in New York. It was just a calm sort of happiness that I hadn’t felt in ages. I miss that. I love New York and think it’s an amazing city, but I think I ultimately need to find a place with nature. I want to have a front porch that I can swing on while sipping a glass of wine after dinner. I want a farm with goats and chickens and pet pigs, dogs, and cats. More than any of that though, I want to act so that pretty much limits me to Connecticut or the mountains of California.

Seeing my oldest friend pregnant was surprisingly not weird. I know it was exactly what she’s always wanted and she is at a perfect place in her life and I am so happy for her. It's easy to compare myself to others (especially via facebook) and wonder if I should be doing similar things at this point in my life. But that’s not for me. Neither is remodeling a house like my other bff from highschool, getting married, or thinking about retirement funds. And you know what? I’m ok with that. One day maybe I'll have the house and the kids and all that stuff but right now I like never knowing what's happening day to day, meeting up with friends on random nights, living in sin, and living this crazy dream. Maybe people may think I'm delaying grown up life, but who cares. I like it.

And speaking of "the dream," I woke up in the wee hours of the morning on Sunday to rush back on a bus to nyc for the first day of filming my "gatekeeper" role. I'm really liking this whole white wig and fishnets thing.

One day relaxing in Maryland and the next wearing crazy clothes and telling someone they can't enter eternity until they find their soul. Yeah, I'm pretty happy at the moment.