Ahhh Life. I Somehow Think You're Going to Work Out

Well I have to say that waitressing is hard work but I can't complain about the money. There is something to be said about walking out with a wad of cash at the end of the day. Instant gratification. Things are going pretty well out here. I just wrapped the webseries I was shooting yesterday and had an awesome time. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Well . . . I can't wait to see how the final product turns out, not my actual performance. I hate watching myself onscreen. I just always think that I could have done something better and I inevitably end up laughing at myself during serious scenes or cringing during funny scenes. But it was a lot of fun and the feeling of being paid to do what you love is indescribable.

Man my feet hurt. I kinda like that I'm doing physically grueling work. I mean it's not like I'm building skyscrapers or anything, but it's enough to make you appreciate life. Which is something I've been trying to do more of lately. I'm trying to appreciate it and have fun on my own. It would be so easy to jump into another relationship right now and though it is very tempting, I need to be selfish (in a good way) right now. I need to learn how to not just live on my own, but how to be happy with just myself and no one else. I can't tell you how many times I want to avoid going home after work because I don't want to be alone. Thankfully the new friends in my life realize what I'm going through and put me in my place when I call and whine about being lonely.

So anyway. That's all that's been happening on this coast. Working my butt off at a bar on the beach (I can't even describe the beauty of a sunset over the ocean from there), filming with some pretty cool people, and doing some soul searching. I am in a 100% better place than I was a month ago. But I still have a long way to go. I want to get back to the place I was years ago when I would have dance parties in my room by myself and it would be the most euphoric feeling of the day. I need to find myself again. And once I do, I will be a much better person not only for myself, but for whatever the next relationship I may be in.

Alright, time to go rest my weary feet, relax a little, and submit to some castings. I'm living my dream people. I somehow never envisioned waitressing as part of that dream, but nothing that is worth fighting for comes easy. And once I get it . . . it will be the best feeling in the world.