Coffee Costs 99 Cents

I just saw a casting that offered "coffee" as payment. People aren't even paying with real food anymore. Ayiyiy. My photoshoot yesterday went great. I can't wait to see the pictures. Ok, not much more going on here today. I have an audition later today for a webseries about flirting with guys. I'm pretty sure this one'll be simple ;)

Now is the Winter of Our Discontent

(Ok, I know it's not winter quite yet but just go with it.)

To say I've been confused about life lately is an understatement. I've been saying for awhile that some sort of change is happening but I guess that change is coming from within me, not necessarily outside forces. I think part of my recent discontent is that though I've done dozens of indie films, I have yet to see a completed one that I proud of my performance in. I am never satisfied with my work when I see it onscreen. There is always something more I could have done or something I shouldn't have done at all. I guess it's like that with any artist though . . . your work never seems to be complete.

I also think that I need to find a hobby. Because constantly obsessing over my next gig is driving me crazy. So . . . rock climbing? Sky diving? Adopting a billion kittens in my tiny apartment? I need something . . .

And on that note, I have to go get ready for a photoshoot. Should be fun. I play a lesbian flirting with another girl in a bar. I'm actually friends with the girl I'll be flirting with so I'm sure good times and hilarity will ensue. And with that, I will leave you with a little tidbit of a conversation between me and my friend, N at MHDJ on Friday:

ME: I just love when people insult my intelligence. News Flash: I'm actually pretty smart.

N: It's because you are an actress and in the old days they were dumb prostitutes.

And scene.

I Talk Too Much

I had an interview for the JacBoxer show today at New York's Public Access Station. Not knowing what to prepare for, I went in with an open mind. He asked me questions about being an actress, actors I look up to, early childhood experiences, and even sports. (Why does everyone ask me about sports whenever I'm interviewed??? Is it just so they can make fun of my teams? Redskins/Orioles.) Another common topic in recent interviews has been my love life: What do I look for in a man, what relationship am I in now, and have I ever had a French boyfriend (how the hell did they know to ask that?!?!)

Anyway, those of you who know me personally know that I have this mouth. I talk and talk and talk. And most of the time I'm talking when I shouldn't. When I'm nervous, my natural reaction isn't to shut up like most people, it's to spurt out word vomit. I even had a monologue in high school titled, "I talk too much." So, for the second time in two weeks, I have no idea what I said in another interview. The magic is all in the editing, so let's hope they edit together the less embarrassing points.

On a totally separate note- I have the cutest cats in the entire world. Jimmy is curled up with me right now purring like a madman. I don't know what I'm going to do without them in LA. After all, no matter what else happens, they don't care how much I talk.

I Need a Steak

(I forced the BF and a couple friends to carve pumpkins with me before Halloween)

I was talking to a friend this weekend who was up from Baltimore and she mentioned how she would love to move to New York but not until she could afford the lifestyle she wanted. That got me thinking. When I first moved here, I loved being the starving actress. The brooding misunderstood artist. The one throwing caution to the wind for a dream that I would make come true. I didn’t care that I had no retirement plan or that I was eating Ramin noodles or cereal every night for dinner, (although that changed once the BF moved up because he keeps me well fed). I felt like I was the luckiest person in the world because I knew what I wanted and was going after that.

I still feel lucky, but I am getting over this whole poor thing. In truth, it’s becoming quite a drag. It’s getting old having to make up excuses as to why I can’t go out with my better off friends in order to avoid having that awkward money conversation (Remember that episode of “Friends” where money -or lack there of in Joey and Phoebe’s case- almost broke up their friendship? Yeah, not gonna let that happen). I want to go out for a good steak now and then, but with the downfall of the economy and sheer lack of acting gigs, that hasn’t happened in a long while. Of course, a lot of this could be avoided by moving back to Brooklyn or Queens, but I quite like my village apartment. . . I just wish it didn’t have a leaky ceiling and mold problem.

Anyway, I’m not quite sure what my point is here. Just that somethings got to give. I’m getting too old to still be giving home-made presents at Christmas time or to be squeezing under the subway turnstiles when no ones looking. I find that the people who love New York the most are the ones who have money to enjoy it. So, I’m sending it out into the universe- I’m ready for something big. Let’s do this thing. It’s time to get the ball rolling. I just can't make steak the way restaurants do.

Gross

Work Halloween party last night for my part time job. I saw way too many boobs and underwear for a work event. I'll never look at some of the managers the same way again.

Another Crazy Character . . .

Aw Man, being sick totally sucks! I've had a weird stomach thing and horrible headache going on for three days now, and me being the hypochondriac that I am, think that maybe I have the Mumps. Why? Because it's going around in NYC. Someone brought it over from across the pond in England and I have ALL the symptoms. Of course, the symptoms are the same as for a cold but that's not nearly stressful enough for me.

Anywoo, I took my sick self over to the west side last night to audition for a short film for the Public Access Station in New York. The role is that of a schizophrenic bi-polar girl who is in a therapy session. I really like the character because I don't actually think she's crazy at all- I think that she just thinks too much about how small of a particle she is in the grand scheme of the world. Anyway, I booked the role which is cool, especially since it'll be shot with a three camera set-up which I haven't done before, BUT I was told by the writer/producer that because it's for a public access station they don't have to go through my union. . . which I think may not be the case. I know that interviews done for Public Access or any show do not have to go through the union, but this isn't an interview- this is acting.

Sooo I'm not sure what to do. I guess I need to call my union to check but I suspect they're going to say it still has to go through them. Which means it may never happen. But we shall see. I hope that it does happen because I really like to script and can really relate to the character (yes, I realize I just opened myself up to all kinds of "crazy" jokes).

After my audition, the producer/writer asked me if he could interview me for his show. He apparently has his own show that's on at 1am on Monday or Tuesday nights. I said yes and we proceeded with the interview. . . which lasted an hour. I'm not really sure what the heck I said because like I said, I've been pretty sick. I do believe I gave a shout out to my Mom and Dad (and to their business www.winetrailtraveler.com), and told him all about the BF. Which inevitably led to the question, "Is marriage in the future?" So much for keeping my personal life private if I ever do make it big. I need to remember not to take cold medicine before an interview again.

We talked about sports, actors, movies, and everything across the board. I'm pretty sure that I pissed off all of New York by saying that I hate the Yankees . . . too bad I later found out this is broadcast only in New York and LA. Oops. I need a PR person. You just never know what drivel is going to come out of my mouth.

And on that note, I'm going to stop typing and try to figure out what to make/order for dinner since smelling the cats' food is making me hungry. That may sound gross, but have you ever tried baby food as an adult? Because cat food is MUCH better tasting. But that's another story for another rainy day.

This stream of consciousness I have going here is making me think I may have more in common with my new character than I originally thought. Or maybe it's just the Mumps talking.

Walkin On A Cloud

(Me on the red carpet for the first time.)

What a surreal weekend. I was a bit nervous about my first red carpet premier. I wasn't really sure what to expect or what the scope of this thing would be. I went out to dinner with a few friends first, had a glass of wine to calm my nerves, and then headed over to the movie theatre. In NYC standards, this theatre was HUGE. I spotted it from far away with the title of my movie scrolling along on the marquee. Here we go, I thought. I was excited and nervous . . . and the night far exceeded my expectations.

I checked in my entourage of four friends and then made my way over to the red carpet entrance. I was ushered right to the front since I was the female lead in the movie and after a minute was sent right in. OMG. Six or seven paparazzi awaited me and as I began posing shouted: Over here! Right here love! Look at me! One over here! Just look over here! WTF. I just kept thinking, "this is so weird." I know, this is what movie stars deal with and all, but I never expected it this soon for such a low budget indie that I did. One of them commented, "Oh yeah, she's done this before." But, no I hadn't. Yes, I've modeled and been around countless cameras, but this was my first time on the red carpet. The only reason I looked like I knew what I was doing was from watching the red carpet entrances for awards shows from behind a TV since I was little.

Once that surreal and incredibly weird moment happened, I walked into the lobby of the theatre and was quickly grabbed for a TV interview. I have no idea what I said but I know I sounded scary because my voice has been lost for the past few days and whatever it was came out in strained croaks. But even so, I couldn't stop smiling. I was grinning from ear to ear. Even when I was on the red carpet I was smiling so much because I was actually laughing at how ridiculous this all was. Ridiculous in a good way. Ridiculous in the way that this is what I've always wanted and it is finally starting to happen. It felt amazing to be acknowledged for my work. I was walking on a cloud.

Once I got into the theatre where the movie was playing, I was surprised to find that it was almost completely packed. I still don't know who those people were or how they heard about the movie but it was full to the brim. Every time I came on screen I just started smiling again at the ridiculousness that I was actually the person up there on the gigantic screen. It was just so bizarre and so cool.

Afterwards, an agent came up to me and said that she thought I was actually English (I play an MI-6 agent in the film) and that I could get a lot of work. A few other people came up to me and for once I felt that I was the schmoozer instead of the schmoozee. (Or is that the other way around? Anyway, you get my point.) The afterparty was at a new spiffy club and tons of people from sports players to everyday Joes made an attempt to say hi. It was of course very cool but at the same time made me a bit sad for society, because these were people who would not have given me the time of day if they hadn't just seen my movie. The movie was also playing on some screens in the club and every time I came on, I grabbed my friend Catalano (who was up visiting from MD) and said, "look that's me, that's me!!!"

So, maybe I'm supposed to play this whole thing cool and act like it's no big deal to me, but it is. I feel that this is the beginning of something special. No, it wasn't a huge Hollywood premier with tons of celebs but it was a pretty big stepping stone that I will never forget. Now, it's time to come down from the clouds and be back in the real world . . . for now.