Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Oh anger. Oh such anger. And I can't even write about what I'm angry about on the off chance that the people I'm so angry with will read it Suffice it to say, you can't trust anyone in this industry. It's every man (woman) for themselves and nothing that is said matters unless it is signed and notarized.

I'm totally not expecting LA to be any better- in fact it will probably be worse in the promise keeping department but at least it will be warm. Motherf***ers.

And my hands look old today.

Such Anger.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I am very sorry I haven't written in you in the past week. Please do not feel neglected. I have been doing promotions for the past 2 weeks and am in a weird state of mind due to copious amounts of rude people and me being "escorted" off of several premises. At one point I wondered if the company I was working with would bail me out of jail if I was arrested on their account. Gotta love gorilla marketing.

I plan on shaking off my weird mood very soon. Perhaps at a photoshoot that I have scheduled for this weekend. I'm actually paying for this one because I love the photographer's work and he's going to help me revamp my headshots, portfolio, and compcards.

In the meantime I'm going to sulk about how little money I have and how all I want to do is sleep when I'm not working. Yes, I know there are many worse things in the world, but let me keep my pity party up for just a wee bit longer.

Thank you for understanding blog.

Sincerely yours,

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Windy Day

Today is a windy cold day in New York. It baffles my mind that it is still technically summer for another four days. I had to take Fergie to the Animal Hospital today to get spayed and there were no cabs (which is shocking, really) so I walked there in the wind while the poor thing shivered :( They're keeping her overnight and it's the first time she's been away from home so I'm a bit sad and anxious.

In other news, I'm done with Fashion Week, finally. After work today I'm going home and taking a looong nap. And watching Robin Hood. Not much more to report. Sorry for being so boring this week. I guess that's what happens when you let survival jobs consume you.

I'll write more after I come out of hibernation.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I am Robin Hood

In a phone call to a friend last night, she said that a wise man once said to leave New York before it makes you too hard. I’ve been working at Fashion Week for the past week and it has been utter hell. The majority of the people that go into the tent are some of the greediest, most selfish and manipulative people I have ever met in my life. So many of them have this incredible sense of entitlement that I’ve never before experienced. People on the street aren’t much better. Hint* When someone asks you if you would like a gourmet cookie, the proper response is “No, thank you,” not to give dirty looks and not to walk by completely ignoring the fact that someone is speaking to you.

After four days of dealing with greedy, self-righteous people while wearing uncomfortable high heels, I was on the brink of insanity. (btw, why the company spent $400 on Nicole Miller dresses for us and then went to Rampage to buy $20 shoes, is beyond me. If you know your employees are going to be standing in heels for 8 hrs and you obviously have the money then take care of them!) Another friend of mine is working this promotion with me and last night when we got out she and I had a long conversation about how terrible people are, how exhausted we both were, and how sore our throats were. Then I decided, that not all people can be bad and I was going to make my way home and seek out the ones who were good.

Then a man ran a cart into me and screamed, “FUCK YOU BITCH!”

I’m not saying that anywhere else in the world is going to be better, but I’m sure glad that I’m getting out of here in January. I love this city and all it has to offer, but I need a break.

I’ve recently been watching the 3rd season of Robin Hood on the BBC and I’ve decided that I am going to be more like him. I will take from the rich and give to the poor . . . well, ok maybe not exactly but I aspire to be kinder and more helpful to those in need. I won’t let New York harden me. I’ll only let it make me a better person.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Cockroaches Are Coming

I just looked at my calendar and realized it’s already Thursday. And I’m an idiot. I thought I had a casting today and got all ready for it, only to find that it was yesterday. At least it was for modeling and not acting, but it still sucks because I haven’t been on an audition in awhile. And I HATE feeling irresponsible. Hate it.

I’ve been floundering around for the past week, not really sure what to do with myself. I’ve opened countless “acting” books from college, decided I want new headshots, looked with misery at my bank account in realization that I can’t afford new headshots, and stared out the window for an entire hour. Oh, and I also witnessed my kitten eating a cockroach. Yummy.

I need to get the ball rolling. Or maybe, I’m just reserving my energy for the next week since Fashion Week just began and starting tomorrow I’ll be working 12 hour days between FW and MHDJ for a week. The transition between summer and fall has always been a hard one for me. I so badly want the lazy hot days of summer to stay, and though it’s still not technically fall, there is a coldness in the wind that lets me know it’s Time to Hunker Down.

It’s a sure sign that the weather is changing when the roaches start appearing. I think I’ll be avoiding my kitten’s kisses for awhile.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Ahh Friday

It's a beautiful day here in NYC. The kind that makes you want to ditch everything you had planned and spend the day having a picnic in a park. But alas, I need to keep MHDJ for a few more months. I've decided that I'm going to find as many crazy weird jobs as I can between now and January and just save as much as I can before doing the bi-coastal thing.

Anyway, it's almost the start of labor day weekend and tonight I'm going to a half priced extended happy hour that my friend won at a bar. Should be fun. Then tomorrow morning, the BF and I are taking a bus to Atlantic City and then meandering over to Smithville, NJ for a wedding.

I didn't know what to expect from a place named Smithville, but their website does not disappoint. I got very excited when I saw that there's a mini-train that takes you around town and there are historical reinactments of the civil war. I find myself wishing that we could stay more than one night. Maybe I can camp underneath the stars with the civil war reinactors. Oooh, and I could wear a pretty hoop dress and make bread over a fire and everything! Something tells me I won't be able to convince anyone else to do this with me . . .

I am a wee bit disapointed that it's not on the beach. I got less than a week of beach time this year and certainly could have used more. Maybe I'll get to shoot a cannon like I did in Colonial Williamsburg when I was little. Oh yes. I can smell the gunpowder now.

Is it any wonder that I'm an actress?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I Just Googled the Meaning of Life

and was greated by this lovely quote on Wikipedia:

However, no matter how the universe came into existence, humanity's fate in this universe appears to be doomed as —even if humanity would survive that long— biological life will eventually become unsustainable, be it through a Big Freeze, Big Rip or Big Crunch. It would seem that the only way to survive indefinitely would be by directing the flow of energy on a cosmic scale and altering the fate of the universe.

It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside to read that humanity is doomed, doesn't it?

Or maybe I should be more concerned about the fact that I'm relying on google for spiritual guidance.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Blood Rage

Have you ever had that overwhelming feeling that suffocates when you really don't want to do something? That mixture of dread and anxiety that almost leaves you breathless? It's happening to me right now about a promotional job I'm supposed to be working next week at fashion week. Last years fashion week was a blast- I worked inside the tent pretending to be a french model and got to speak with a fake french accent. This year, they're putting me outside the tent to give out samples, and though the money is very good, I'm half tempted to turn it down. You see, I don't do outdoor sampling. Oh I have . . . plenty of times. But it took me getting trampled on by crowds rushing for free stuff a couple of times before I finally pledged to myself never to do it again in New York City.

Few things upset me more than a stranger physically touching me in an agressive way. An anger clouds over me where I start seeing everything in red. This happens even when it's an accident- I can't help but feel the rage taking over my body. Then I inevitably say something I shouldn't when I'm on the job. This is why I'm not sure if I should take this job this year . . . it's just that the money is so good . . . but is it worth it? Maybe it is. I'll have to think about it.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Time to Hunker Down

Oh me. I don't know what's been wrong with me during the past couple of days. I've been sleeping nonstop and watching hours and hours of 30 Rock (and consequently seen two people I know on the show and wondered why I have yet to share the screen with the gloriously hilarious Tina Fey.) The only slightly productive thing I've done is cleaned my apartment. And gone down the block for pizza. Well, and go to MHDJ, but that never counts. I'm not used to having this much free time and I don't like it.

I thrive off of stress and being in constant motion. I guess I shouldn't complain that I have so much free time, especially since fashion week is coming up and I'll be busy working a promotion there along with MHDJ, but I just feel so unproductive. Yes, there are a million personal projects I could be working on, but I'd rather be at auditions . . .which have been few and far between this week. Of course, it's only Tuesday, but still.

I actually pulled out my old college psychology textbook today for some leisurely reading. Something is definitely wrong with me. Well, nothing more to report on here. Back to 30 Rock for me. I'm letting tonight be my last lazy night of the week . . . hopefully.

Fall is in the air and it's time to hunker down and get stuff done.