Friday, September 16, 2011

My Expesive Lil Baby

I pretty much had one of the worst weeks ever. It all happened on Tuesday. I received the call. A call I've never ever ever ever gotten. I was fired. They said they couldn't disclose the reason (isn't that illegal?) but I was not to show up to any more of my shifts. Great.

Then I noticed clear cat vomit all over my apartment. Like ALL over. I picked up Jimmy and he was completely limp. Trying to stay calm, I rushed him over to the clinic where they admitted him immediately. Turns out he had swallowed TONS of thread from my sewing machine. It had wrapped all the way through his intestines and into his colon. Major major surgery. It was going to cost $1500 and if I didn't have half of it now they wouldn't take him and he would pass away. In tears, the angel of the receptionist helped me apply to an animal credit card immediately and because she worked her magic it was approved for exactly $1500.

Thank God.

My stomach has been in knots all week. It was a five hour surgery that he basically shouldn't have survived but did because he is so strong. He's home with me now and we have to make sure his bowels start working properly but he's not out of the woods.

Unfortunately, I can't stay home with him today because I (fortunately) am training for a new job. It's a bartending gig at a super awesome wine bar and I'm really nervous because it's just a trial run and I'm going to be thinking about Jimmy the whole time. But it's ok. I have to keep calm and carry on.

The perspective you get when something like this happens to someone you love is insane. I don't care about petty arguments anymore. I don't even care that I got fired anymore. My baby almost died and maybe if I hadn't gotten that call I wouldn't have woken up in time to see how sick he was.

Sigh. Ok. Off to go train. I'm really nervous. Wish me luck. And keep Jimmy in your thoughts.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Ten Years

I gotta say that this is weird. The tenth anniversary. I think everyone remembers where we were ten years ago. It's even weirder that I have to walk by the World Trade Center to get to work for the next couple days. Although I won't really be able to walk by. At first I was annoyed that I would have to walk about 30 blocks out of my way to get to my job (because most streets down there are closed for the next two days and my boats both depart from right next to the WTC). And then I started to feel bad. Not just feel bad, but watch the news and start sobbing because I thank God I've never had to go through anything like that and can't believe some of my fellow New Yorkers have had to be so strong during literally hell on earth for them.

And then I realized that not only is it a bit weird, but also a bit scary. Because I'm going to be down there, literally on ground zero on the tenth anniversary. And the media (which I know exaggerates to no extent), is talking about how there is going to be another attack tomorrow. After the Earthquake and Hurricane Irene, I know that I should take what the media says with a grain of salt. But it's still a bit unnerving to know that with all the warnings, tons of subways shut down, and roads completely shut off, that I somehow have to still get to work.

But that's what we should do, right? Not be scared. Not let these assholes who attacked us ten years ago to change our lives. So that's what I'll be doing today and tomorrow. I'm going to go to work like normal (even though I'll have to walk a shitload out of my way), be reverent to those who never could have imagined their fate on that horrible day, and be respectful to my country by leading my life like normal.

But we all know it won't be normal. We've all been affected by this. My ex had to stand by as a National Guardsmen at the Pentagon while burning bodies were pulled out. My current had to live in an apartment that smelled like burning bodies for three months. None of this is normal. I can't imagine how those who lost people have gotten by in the past ten years. But we shouldn't forget the affect that the terrorist attacks had on everyone. On humanity. No one should have to go through that. No one.

I'll be praying for everyone even though I don't necessarily believe in a higher power. But I'll still be praying. Just in case. And I'll be sending positive thoughts to everyone in NYC and DC tomorrow (today technically). I love you my fellow New Yorkers. I respect you even more.

Peace and Love,


Friday, September 9, 2011


I woke up suddenly and can't go back to sleep. I think it's a combo of a lot of things. Particularly an awful "casting" I went to today. I use the word casting lightly because I'm pretty sure it was just some young dude on a power trip who didn't actually have anything to cast. The way he was talking to the girls in front of me was awful. I almost left. I should have left. But I "interviewed" anyway and wouldn't let him break me down like he did the others. And he did not like that. Nope not at all. I'm not even going to go into the awful things he said to me.

I'm so tired of this lifestyle. I just want a peaceful life. My soul is getting too old and wary to continue living my life like I'm still 25.

Because I'm not anymore.

I just don't want any drama in my life. I want to somehow exterminate all the fake assholes in this business that waste our time just because they know they can get a bunch of pretty girls into a room if they hold a "casting." And I want my freaking ankle to heal. It's been a month since I sprained it and it's absolutely killing me now. I want to be able to wear heels again. And I'm tired of living in a tiny crappy dust and cat hair filled apartment that feels like it's going to collapse with every truck that drives by. I want a house. I want a yard. I want a garden that I can grow fresh vegetables in.

Ok, I know I'm just whining now. I'm usually a glass filled half way kinda gal, but this morning I feel a big load of emotional crap.


Monday, September 5, 2011

Just Another Monday in the Life of E

I woke up in a great mood at 8am this morning. I'm not sure if anyone can understand how monumental this is. A: because I haven't woken up before 10 in . . . wow, I don't even know. It's been awhile. B: Because I am not a morning person and pretty much want to punch cute furry things in the face every time I wake up. So I am happy to report that today is different. Perhaps it's the change in season. God knows it wasn't any kind of amazing weekend. I haven't had such an isolating weekend in ages. The friends and the boy were all busy working or playing with others. I worked for a few hours both days (Ok, ok, I can't say it was that boring. I did get to host a beautiful wine tasting in the backyard of a Williamsburg wine store AND I got to host a wine tasting on a boat). But I was lonely. I know, I know, go cry about it. Everyone gets lonely. But the roommates been gone for a week and with M in Austin and everyone else being busy bees, well I've had to make fun for myself. Normally, this would lead me to bars and books, and random encounters making new friends. But to be honest, I haven't really felt like drinking lately and I'm a bit sick of the same scene all the time.

So, left to my own devices, I got some studying done and starting playing the piano again. I recently brought a keyboard back to the city from my hometown and though it's not anything like having a real piano, it's better than nothing. But incredibly frustrating. Because I used to be good and now I can barely remember songs I used to rock out to at recitals. But it all takes practice. It's the same with my singing. I tell everyone about how I used to be good and then get a faraway gleam in my eye implying that I miss it more than anything in the world. Well suck it up E! Yeah, it's gonna suck for awhile and be frustrating as hell in the beginning because you know you're not playing up to your true potential, but practice makes perfect. And as the band teacher of my highschool always said, "Perfect practice makes perfect." So all I can do is keep on at it.

On a more serious note, (and I can't believe this is the THIRD time I've had to bring this up in my blog) I do not understand why so many people misuse the internet. There is a such thing as being socially responsible both with yourself and with others. Now I don't necessarily fall into the first category. I am known to occasionally over-share in this venue after all. But I over-share about MYSELF. I choose to tell or vent only about me. I would never ever tell a friend's secrets on a blog. Opinions? Fine. I totally gotcha. Use me as an example? Go ahead. But posting details and one particular secret that no one else knows? Too far, my friend. Too far. And don't give me the excuse that no one reads your blog. Get a statistic counter and you'd be surprised. I have people from all around the world reading this thing. And if it's your diary? Then make the entries private.

Anyway, I'm not about to get into some kind of blog war. I'm not mad at anyone, just disappointed in the misuse that society continues to perpetuate on this venue. I remember the days when the worst thing you could do was gossip on the phone. Now with the internet, we have kids committing suicide because of online bullying, friendships being torn apart (oh yes, I've seen it happen), and worst of all finding out a loved one has passed away via the internet. Just use your brain people. Think, "could this possibly hurt someone other than myself?" If the answer is yes, then perhaps you should rethink posting. And if you have to get it out? THEN MAKE THAT SHIT PRIVATE.

Had to get that out. I think I'll watch the morning news now (people do that at this hour right?) and then get ready to go work on a boat. I haven't been trained on how to open yet and I'm going to be the only one there so this should be interesting. I'm sure I'll get through it. And then I suppose I'll come home and play the keyboard some more before making it another early night. Guess I'm growing up after all.

Peace and Love,


PS- Speaking about being socially irresponsible, the news is the worst culprit of all. But I could write an essay on that so its just going to have to wait for another day :)

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Fall Fun

I don't know what it is about Fall that makes me feel so incredibly motivated and able to GSD. (If you haven't heard me use this acronym before, it stands for Getting Shit Done, which I kindly stole from fellow blogger and good friend The New Glitterati). Actually, of course I know. It goes back to ye ole school days when September meant school supplies and clothing shopping only to then have to delve into a dreaded new textbook.

This year is no different. Ok, that's a lie. It's a bit different because I'm too poor to buy myself and new clothes (and let's be honest here, I have waaay too many as it is), and I'm not enrolled in any kind of school. This Fall however, to keep on track, which is sometimes difficult to do as a freelancer, I will be enrolling myself in the school of E. That's right folks. But instead of studying Physics, Communication, and dissecting cute little animals in Biology, I will be studying scripts, burlesque, and cocktail making.

It's 2pm on a Sunday afternoon and I already have a bunch of index cards made. Go me. And now I need to go get ready to work on a boat. . . .

Because having weird jobs is most definitely a prerequisite in the school of E.

Happy Fall Everyone. It's gonna be a good one. I can feel it in my bones :)


Oh, and PS- Last night I finally got to see a kick ass film that I did a couple years ago. It's a comedy. And I'm FUNNY! Like seriously rolling on the floor funny. . . ok, you may have to be slightly under some kind of influence for it to be THAT funny, but we were laughing so hard that I thought I was going to crack a rib again. Ahhh, after a year of unnecessary drama it feels great to be focusing on myself again. :D

Sunday, August 21, 2011


I don't normally post my work on here (or anything with my face since this blog is semi-anonymous) but I'm really excited about this film that I'm shooting this Fall. We shot the trailer already for fundraising so if you or anyone you know is in a position to donate we would all be eternally grateful. This is the first film I've been really excited about in awhile.

Check out the trailer here.

Friday, August 19, 2011

All Smiles

Last. Night. Was. Incredible.

You know that amazing full body rush you get when you fall in love for the first time? That's the feeling I had after my burlesque show last night. It was the first piece that I choreographed and made my own costume for, so at first it was scary and thrilling. And then just thrilling. Afterwards I felt so elated, euphoric, heady, and high off of life. I couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. I am so happy and thankful that I found this new venture in life and ridiculously excited for my future with it.

I've come a long way in the past six months. Life in NYC can be hard but with a great support system, drive, and passion you can do almost anything you set your mind to.


Saturday, August 13, 2011


For some reason my sheets smell like my Grandma's house tonight. Like my summers in Detroit. I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, she did that on purpose. To let me know she's still around. And to remind me of the fact that fairytale romances (like that of my Grandpa and her) still exist.

Thanks Grandma S. I wish I could still talk to you.

"Bad Liver And A Broken Heart"

Well I got a bad liver and broken heart, yeah,
I drunk me a river since you tore me apart
And I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink
And I wish you'd a-known her (him) , we were quite a pair,
She (He) was sharp as a razor and soft as a prayer
So welcome to the continuing saga, she (he) was my better half, and I was just a dog

And so here am I slumped, I've been chipped and I've been chumped on my stool

So buy this fool some spirits and libations, it's these railroad station bars
And all these conductors and porters, and I'm all out of quarters
And this epitaph is the aftermath, yeah I choose my path, hey, come on

He's a lawyer, he ain't the one for ya
No, the moon ain't romantic, it's intimidating as hell,
And some guy's trying to sell me a watch
And so I'll meet you at the bottom of a bottle of bargain Scotch
I got me a bottle and a dream, it's so maudlin it seems,
You can name your poison, go on ahead and make some noise
I ain't sentimental, this ain't a purchase, it's a rental, and it's purgatory,
And hey, what's your story, well I don't even care
'Cause I got my own double-cross to bear

And I'll see your Red Label, and I'll raise you one more,

And you can pour me a cab, I just can't drink no more,
'Cause it don't douse the flames that are started by dames,
It ain't like asbestos
It don't do nothing but rest us assured,
And substantiate the rumors that you've heard


Friday, August 12, 2011

Foul Play

I've been staring at my screen for the past 15 minutes trying to put my thoughts and feelings into words. But it's impossible. I feel too much. I think too much. I say too much. And I hurt too much. I'm emotionally drained. And I just wish it could all be fixed with the wave of a magic wand.

I wish I wasn't such a dreamer.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


What is wrong with people?! I can't believe what I'm hearing about the riots in London right now. I guess it's more surprising because it makes you think about how quickly it could happen here.

Check out these photos. They'll give you chills: London Riot Photos

Sunday, August 7, 2011


I need a motorcycle. Not want. Need. I rode on the back of one last night and it was . . . words can't even describe it. It was unimaginable, incredible, breathtaking, thrilling . . . no, no none of those will do. I've never experienced such a full body thrill like this before.

The wind flowing through my hair and gently caressing my skin . . . speeding down the road with nothing between me and the atmosphere . . .

Ok, so basically I can survive off of acting, modeling, promotions, and the boat for the next few months (until the boat goes out of season). But I'm going to need to find another job to get some extra cash for my motorcycle. Because I've never wanted a physical object so bad in my life.

This motorcycle is going to be my hobby, my love, my life, and my soulmate. I'm going to marry this motorcycle and he/she and I are going to travel the countryside together.

I have to make this happen.

Saturday, August 6, 2011


Something has been nagging at me for a month now. I wasn't quite sure what it was until it hit me like a lightning bolt this morning. I have been harvesting a deep feeling of strong dislike and betrayal from a girl I thought was my friend. I held this women's secrets when she asked me to, I was there for her when she was so drunk she couldn't walk, I listened to her mega boy drama for hours and then she told the one secret I had to the one person I never wanted to know. And then she snubbed me the next time I saw her.

And she never apologized.

I'm not sure why I've let this get to me so much. I have AMAZING friends and am so lucky to have all the love I have in my life so what is one girl who was never one of my besties anyway?

I guess it's more of a self-disappointment for being too trusting in the first place. Not everyone is going to like me and not everyone is going to hold your secrets just because you hold theirs. Like one of my real besties says, "You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. And that's ok!" Maybe I just need to focus on giving more to the ones I love and saving some from the semi-friends I have.

And damnit, I am a good person! I help old ladies across the street, I volunteer at an animal shelter, I listen to anyone who needs to talk, I work my ass off in this city I moved to without knowing a soul, I believe in light and love and hippie dippie peace, and yes I sometimes make stupid mistakes. But it sucks when people spread around those mistakes and not the good.

That's not love. Love should be unconditional.

So, Miss Immatellyoursecretsandneverapologize, I'm sending you light and love and letting it go.

Letting it go . . . It feels good.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Jobs jobs jobs

I think it's hilarious that about every 4 months I get hired to improv with a group of guys at a seminar and give them relationship advice. And I get paid pretty decent to do it. I'm great at a billion other things that I can't seem to make any money off of and the one thing that I completely suck at (the relationship part, not the improv), I get paid for? I'm pretty sure Alanis would find this ironic.

Anyway, guess I'm back to having a bunch of random jobs again. Right now I'm an assistant casting director on a film, acting in a film, dancing, hosting a wine sail, project managing for the sailing company, and then doing random things like telling men what to say to women in order to be in successful relationships. These poor men are going to be alone forever.

C'est la vie. I'm trying to escape everything for a few days next week and go camping. Fingers crossed it works out! I could use a welcome break in the wilderness.

Oh, and an aerial instructor of mine just got arrested for doing a piece off the Williamsburg bridge. This is my second instructor to be arrested. The first was my environmental theatre professor in Ireland. No wonder I'm crazy. These are the people I admire and learn from. . . or maybe it's just that I surround myself with risk takers who aren't afraid to live life. Yeah. I like that option better :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sparkle On

It's amazing how much your life can change in a week. A week ago I was slightly freaking out about jobs, my future, and basic life issues that girls in New York City tend to freak out about.

But this week? This week has been so amazing! I had a great performance last night, am becoming more involved with the boat (well, fingers crossed on that one- I have a meeting tomorrow), and just got offered to do my first paid solo dance piece! Ahhhhhhh!!!!! I'm so excited!! Instead of focusing my energy on finding another bar job, I focused it in my field of art and entertainment and everything is coming together! (Again, knock on some wood for me.) I mean, let's be honest. I shouldn't be working in a bar anyway. I get too into the nightlife and end up not being productive during the day. Not to mention the fact that I hate drunk annoying people.

I've also given up on romantic relationships which has given me more time to focus on myself. I'm sure from the tone of my blogs over the past few months it's obvious that I'm not over my ex. And instead of hoping things change, and wishing, and dreaming, and wasting energy on being angry and still missing him . . . well I'm just accepting that the whole situation sucks but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't think I'll ever get over this man but at a certain point you have to throw your hands up in the air and realize that it's not up to you. That the universe decides these things. It feels good to focus on getting myself together for once. So. No dating for E for the next 6 months. At least.

Anyway, sorry for the tangent. The point of this entry is that things are suddenly going well. Like better than I expected. These opportunities suddenly just fell into my lap (after some hard work) and I'm scooping them up. And now I'm going to go to the store and cook myself some dinner before going to a show tonight. Apparently I cook when I'm happy. I'm liking this :)

Oh and from spending so much time going to and participating in shows I am pretty much always covered in glitter. My childhood dream of having glitter skin is finally coming true!

Friday, July 8, 2011


I told my ex that he was my lobster last night. And I really thought he was. When I look into his eyes and feel him in my arms . . . well, I feel like I'm home.

But here's the thing. I just found out that lobsters don't mate for life. In fact, there is usually a line of female lobsters outside of the dominant male lobster's den just waiting to get it on. When it's the next female lobster's turn, she lures him out of his den by releasing pheromones. When he gets out of his den, she continues to do this by pissing on him. That's right folks. She pees on him and he finds it sexy. Then he brings her into his shack and she actually sheds her outer shell for him. At this point if he likes her he will very gently make love to her. If he doesn't like her though, or if she does something to piss him off . . . Well then folks? Then he eats her. Like, for dinner.

Sounds about right. I feel like I got eaten for dinner.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Adele. Set Fire to the Rain

"I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell, you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me

My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet

But there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Feel you're here forever
You and me together
Nothing gets better

'Cause there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew,
All the things you'd say,
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something died
'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time!

Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught, must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you.

I set fire to the rain,
Watch it pour as I touch your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

I set fire to the rain,
And I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something died
'Cause I knew that that was the last time
The last time, oh, oh!

Let it burn
Let it burn
Let it burn"

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Sometimes there are more important things to blog about then just selfishly writing about my own little life. I don't know how many people have already heard about this, but my friend's Uncle, John Klusmire is the captain of the US Ship, "The Audacity of Hope." On Friday, the ship was scheduled to leave for Gaza for The Freedom Flotilla. Greek officials prevented the ship from leaving and declared that any ship with foreign or Greek flags would be prohibited from leaving. They then arrested my friend's Uncle. All of this is completely illegal and spits in the face of humanity. The captain has since been released, however there are concerns of him getting his piloting license back which is his livelihood. AND they still won't release the ship to freely sail to Gaza.

Please call and keep the pressure on the U.S. State Department. The more people who call, the more likely it is that they'll do something. Here is what my friend suggests saying:

Let them know you want them to help secure the release of the U.S. Boat to Gaza. Tell them you expect the U.S. government to support the right if its citizens to sail freely to Gaza.

State Department general number: 202-647-4000 – ask for the Overseas U.S. Citizen Services Duty Officer and you’ll get a live State Dept. official who has to hear you out.

Please do this guys. Sometimes it feels like one person isn't going to make a difference in the world, but you can. Step it up and participate.

Here's a link to an article if you want to read more: or go to

Thanks everyone.

- E

Ch Ch Ch Changes . . .

Respect. All I ever wanted from my job was some sort of mutual respect.

I quit last night. I was screamed at by one of the owners in front of everyone in a very unprofessional/un-humane way and I had had enough. I finished my shift by smiling and pushing through the next 9 hours and then calmly told one of the other owners that I would not be returning. It sucks because I actually liked that place and I put a lot of heart into it. I swear it was like a breakup. There were tears. I even uttered the phrase, "I hope we can still be friends."

I've been working since I was 14 years old and have never quit a job without giving two weeks notice and having an amicable split. So this kind of blows. Whatever. Yeah it was a cool place that's totally blowing up in the cocktail world but that's not necessarily a world I want to be involved in. It's kind of snobby and pretentious to be honest. I'd rather work in a dive bar.

Anyway, so after I cleared out my locker and left for good, I walked down the street, turned the corner and CRACKLE BOOM WEEEEEEE! Fireworks. It was after all, the 4th of July. And I immediately knew I made the right decision. The first thought that popped into my head was FREEDOM!

This is for the best, it really is. I can focus more on acting and dancing now and doing things that I want to be doing instead of getting drinks spilled on me for over 40 hours a week. The big problem from here on out is money. Le sigh. The nightmares about not being able to pay rent are going to return.

The life of a NYC artist. No one ever said it would be easy.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Busy Bee Takes a Break

Ugh. Being sick in the summer sucks. Bronchitis sucks. Antibiotics suck. Codeine laced cough syrup is pretty cool though :) Silver lining people, silver lining. I've been working so hard lately on a variety of projects and at the bar so it's no wonder I wore myself rugged. We had a kick ass New York Times review and the place has been insanely busy ever since. I'm also working on producing a burlesque program on a boat that holds 150 people which I'm super excited about. I like being in control of things, lol. Oh, and I'm about to start taking a burlesque class with one of New York's original dancers. And I got new headshots and had a fashion shoot. And am planning another shoot with the photographer to submit to magazines. Yeah, I've been busy.

The wine tasting I do every Sunday keeps getting better and better. I never feel more light-hearted and part of the earth as I do when I'm sailing around the city with the wind in my hair and the taste of seabreeze on my lips. It's literally the best job I've ever had. For a split second when I'm sailing, nothing back on the island of nyc matters anymore. It's just pure life. We're all connected to each other. There is no more hate, only love. It's pure bliss.

Well since I took the evening off because of my death cough, I'm going to lay down with an awesome book and cuddle with my kitties who I've been neglecting lately.

I think the codeine is starting to get to me :) Nighty night world.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Lovable Boy

Does your Life excite you, you Lovable boy?
All the Drinking, the girls, the smoke screen dreams?
Do you like how you treat everyone like a new shiny toy?
And then bask in the thrill of hearing their screams?

Oh Boy, you're running out of all your juice
Soon you will fade and wilt like the rest
To be left alone in your self abuse
Because though the potential was there . . .
You will never be one of the best.

I've been reading Eileen Myles, "Inferno" right now and have been so inspired. Granted my poetry lacks a lot but it's fun to play around with another form of expression :)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Loving Life

I'm loving life today. A lot. With all the ups, the downs, the craziness, the messes, the cleanups, the successes, the failures, the laughter, and the tears. I'm loving it all. I know I say this a lot but I am so thankful for everyone I have and have had in my life. Those who were just passerbys for a brief moment in time and those who I know I'll have for a lifetime.

Aw look, I'm getting all mushy. I'm such a girl. Have a brilliant Thursday everyone. I know I will :)

Monday, June 20, 2011

I Love Adele

"The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,

We could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside your hand,
And you played it to the beat . . . "


In another's arms closing her eyes
If She squeezes them shut hard enough . . .
maybe, just maybe for one moment
She'll think it's Him.

But everyone has to open their eyes eventually
And when She does it hurts even more.
Because even though he's a constant presence in her mind
A spirit that still haunts her dreams
He's gone for good in her life.

And no amount of arms can make that go away.

Monday, June 6, 2011


"All your life the worlds tried to take you. It's time to be free."

Yes, I'm quoting the new X-Men. No judgment.

PS- I've had the most amazing week and am so grateful for all the positive people in my life. Seriously, love you guys. A lot.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Couldn't Have Said it Better

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Bed of Nails

I laid on a bed of nails in Coney Island last week.

Yes, a bed of nails. And I loved it. I used to dream about joining the circus and read books that featured the famous Freak Bar in one of the oldest circus communities in the country.

And then . . . I got to perform there. Well, not really perform. I'm new to this whole community so I have to pay my dues, but I was a stage kitten for an amazing show. (stage kitten= stage manager as in setting up props and the like.) It was indescribable. I was in awe of the performances and felt lucky to even share the same dressing room with such talent.

Well there you have it folks. I'm making moves. Working at a kick ass bar 45 hours a week, in charge of a wine program where I get paid to sail around the city and talk about wine every Sunday, staring in an awesome film at the end of the summer, and laying in beds of nails whenever I get a free second.

I love life. And I should mention in here that I have the best friends that a girl could have. Mmmwaaaah everyone!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Skies Above

"Wise men say only fools rush in
Oh, but I can´t help falling in love with you

Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be."

I remember listening to this at my Grandma and Grandpa's 50th anniversary. They were magical. They had a fairytale romance. One so great that I won't even post it on the internet because it's too special. Only the people closest to me know it. I recently thought I had that too . . . but it's ok. At least I know it's out there. After all, I was a first hand witness. Even if I was really young and sang a solo piece entitled, "Where is Love?" Yes, that's right. From Oliver. I was always a weirdly artistic child.

"Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneath the willow tree
That I've been dreaming of?"

I hope so.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Top 12

Esquire Magazine named my bar Top 12 in the country. It's a huge honor considering we've only been open since February. Would it be presumptuous of me to say that since I served them when they came in, that would make me one of the top 12 servers in the country? Possibly, but sometimes we need to be a little presumptuous in a world that constantly tries to bring you down.

Anywoo, I've been crazy busy lately with work, castings, the boat sail (I'm in charge of the wine program now on the boat I worked on last year. I get to drink wine, talk to people, and sail around the city. Hands down best job I've ever had), and burlesque lately. I've finally found myself with a whole day off and am excited to finally run some errands and then take my lil ole self over to the park with a good book.

Life's been weird lately. But then again mine's never been especially normal. Just taking it all in day by day and trying to bring a little light into other people's lives.

Thanks for reading friends :)

Monday, May 9, 2011

Lisbeth Salandar is My Hero

I had such an amazing weekend. Busy with about a total of five hours sleep, but amazing. Had a great night with my girls Friday night, went on a beer tasting sail and got a bunch of errands done on Saturday. Worked Saturday night til 4am and then found myself surrounded by a campfire listening to people sing. Planned and implemented a wine sail on Sunday, fell asleep in a bunk on the boat after working on it, and shot the final scene of the movie I've been shooting over the course of the past five months.

Yep, I got a lot done. The final scene of the film last night was the hardest yet. It was an attack scene that was pretty emotional. I thought it was going to get to me a bit but because I got to kick the bad guys ass in the end it actually felt pretty empowering. And I have to give a shout out to "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and the rest of the books in the series, because when I was kicking ass last night I was totally channeling Lisbeth Salandar.

Ok, off to work and another busy week ending in a trip to a winery in PA for a friend's wedding. Yay! I'm so happy it's Spring :)


Sunday, May 1, 2011

In the Pursuit of Truth

I could have stayed. . . The air, the gentle but trying breeze, the sweat moistening my face trickling down my neck and sticking to my dress, the music so powerful that I don't have words for, the feeling of completely raw life, smiling for three hours straight, crying and laughing through the tears . . .

Wednesday night made it into the top 15 best nights of my life.

I could have stayed . . . but T looked me in the eyes and told me it was time to stop running away. And it is. Running away has moved me from Maryland to Ireland to France to LA and to NYC. I've had a lot of adventures. But at some point I need to face the truth. So I find myself on a Sunday afternoon writing this back in Brooklyn.

But I will never forget that night. A show so amazing that it was life changing. . . Any words I have for it could never come close to doing it justice.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Always Satisfied

A root of an equation is a number which substituted into the equation instead of an unknown converts the equation into an identity. The root is said to satisfy the equation. Solving an equation implies finding all of its roots. An equation that is always satisfied, no matter the choice of values for its unknowns, is called an identity.





That's all I have to say about everything right now. Everything. Let's just all do each other a favor and be real in friendships, relationships, and jobs . . . yeah? You down? Ok cool. I'm on board. Unfortunately I don't think the rest of Brooklyn is. Whateves. I'm off to explore New Orleans in two days. Beyond excited to go.

And what would happen if I just stayed?

. . .

Monday, April 4, 2011


Having to leave someone you love who has an addiction is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Without going through too many details here of the past 9 months of my life . . . let's just say I'm filled with fillings or guilt mixed with false hope. I always thought that people who left loved ones in the midst of an addiction was horribly mean and selfish. But now I understand. Now I get that sometimes you have to save the only person you can. Yourself. Because otherwise you'll be dragged right down with them. Anyway, I know most of you have no clue what I'm talking about but I just needed to write it out. . . woooo . . . breathe . . .

In other news, I've been acting and dancing a lot lately. My cabaret troupe is really taking off and I'm proud and thankful to be a part of it. Last night I shot a Victoria's Secret spec commercial which was fun. Although to be honest I've been finding all these acting roles a bit boring lately. I need something good and juicy. Ha, what I really need is a script that can hold the kind of intensity of my actual life.

I'm not sure at what point my real life became more intense and insane than my acting life. But I would like to work on switching that back for awhile.


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dead Bunny Cabaret

Glitter, dance, expression, art. Last night was amazing. I have recently shifted a bit of focus from acting to dance and I am so in love. I never thought that I would find anything I loved more than acting but I have. Dance and aerial. They are just other types of performance but it's something I never dreamed of doing and I'm having the time of my life. Thank you so much to the Dead Bunnies, the House of Yes, and everyone who has loved and supported me in this new venture. I've never been so happy in New York and I can't wait to see where all of this goes. And yes Mom, I know I'm semi nude in this photo, but it's just another form of glorious expression :) I bet Grandma wouldn't call my boobs little egg yolks anymore if she was around to see this :)

Thank you everyone for your love and support!


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Spring is Almost Here!

It's almost Spring. So happy. Don't have words. Seriously though, it is absolutely gorgeous outside today. I had a beautiful walk to rehearsal this morning and am so excited for our awesome Burlesque show next Wednesday at Crash Mansion (woo woo!). And scared as hell because I might be performing a solo piece for the first time. Ahhhh! EXCITEMENT!!!!

In other news, tomorrow will be my last day of filming a project that I've been working on for the past three months. It's a pretty traumatic scene, so though I'm glad to be acting, it's going to be difficult. But it'll feel good to wrap the project up.

Ok, sorry for the short entry. I was super excited to finally have a day off and watch Oprah but now she's making me cry. Damn Oprah.


Oh, and I guess because of my heritage I should wish everyone a Happy St. Patrick's Day! I will not be joining the hoards of drunks in the city. I will be having much more fun watching a silks variety show in the BK. You should too if you're around!


Saturday, February 12, 2011

Oyster Mania!

I. am. officially. obsessed. with. oysters. I am so glad that I'm working at this oyster bar. If you've been a long time blog follower here then you know my obsession with crabbing. Being from Maryland, I have an innate love for everything sea, old bay, and crab. I go crabbing every summer and even made a short film about it. There is nothing in the world like the feeling of catching your own food and then eating the succulent meat just a few hours later. It's amazing. I've always said that if I wasn't an actor I'd be a crab-(wo)man. And now . . . now I get to explore the wonderful world of oysters. I read books, do tastings, and watch the shuckers with fascination every night I work. I can't wait to one day pull oysters out of the ocean and shuck them myself. Yumm.

Also learning a ton about Absinthe. Love it.

Off to go do an acting gig where I improv with men who are learning how to hit on women . . . I have the oddest jobs, lol.

Mmmwaaah! Have a wonderful weekend blog readers! ♥

Saturday, February 5, 2011

2011 . . . You Make Me Happy

Oh dear blog, I have been neglecting you. My deepest apologies. So many wonderful things have been happening in this glorious new year that I have not had a second to breathe it all in and write it all down. Until I got knocked unconscious by the flu. I guess that's life's way of saying, "Hey E! We know you're super excited about this new era, but take it a bit more slow. Stop and smell the roses." So, here we go.

I had an amazing night last Friday. It was the premier of a film that I had a leading role in, which screened at Tribeca cinemas. Now, let me preface this by saying that I've done over 25 indie films while here in NYC, over half of which have had official screenings, and many of which have made it onto IMDB. That in anyone else's eyes may hold a certain amount of success, but to be honest . . . and I hope I'm not hurting anyone's feelings here . . . to be honest, I haven't been proud of any of them. This has more to do with me than it does with the actual product. I am my own worst critic and can pick apart my performance faster than termites can destroy the foundation of a small shack.

Which is why Friday was so amazing. My plus one had to work so I brought one of my best friends instead, which turned out to be more fun than I imagined. We dolled ourselves up while sipping on orange flavored vodka at my place, hurridly jumped into a cab, and made our way to Tribeca. We got there with one minute to spare, bought some popcorn (because there is nothing that makes you feel more officially like a movie star than eating popcorn while watching yourself on the big screen), and found the only two seats left . . . right in the front row.

Now I usually have a tendency to giggle every time my character comes onscreen during these premiers, but I gotta say that I was pretty tame this time. I was so impressed with the movie and actually (gasp) proud of my performance that I felt myself drawn into the storyline as opposed to criticizing everything. Us actors spend so much time dogging ourselves and overcompensating for our wishy-washy self esteems, that it felt right to start out the new year with such a positive experience. Because let's face it, acting is fucking hard. Living in a cold city of over 15 million people with no family and nothing to separate you from the thousands of other beautiful talented people can certainly wear you down. Which is why we need to take these small moments of success and bask in them. We work f'ing hard. Might as well enjoy the small moments that make it all worth it.

And thanks to my bestie for being such a proud mamma :)

In other news, I decided that I was a little tired of being poor so I got a job at a classy, adorable oyster bar in my neighborhood. I'm super excited about it because we're all opening it together so it feels more like a project than a serving job. Oh, and I've decided that I want to open a pie shop/whiskey bar one day. Although, I'm giving up whiskey for lent this year. I also want to get my production company up and running, get new headshots, start freelancing with a couple more agents, update my comp cards and website . . . . ok, ok, I'll slow down. One step at a time. First official night at the oyster bar tonight :)

Breathing in the new year and loving every moment.

Monday, January 24, 2011

The Animal Lady

The high today in NYC was 17 degrees. With the wind chill (which until a few years ago I still thought was called wind "shield" . . . don't ask. I thought it had something to do with how fast the wind hit a car's wind shield when you were going 60 miles per hour. I don't know where my mind comes up with these things,) it felt like 2 degrees. Yes, you read that correctly. TWO degrees. I woke up, looked at the weather, and immediately thought about all the poor dogs that are in a shelter in my neighborhood that needed walking. I knew that most of the volunteers would probably cancel due to the weather, so I put on my warmest sweater and my furriest boots and trekked the 25 minutes to the shelter. Thank goodness I did because the shelter desperately needed people.

The first dog I walked was the sweetest little . . . uh, I don't know what type. Horrible with names. Well, he was just the sweetest little guy. I took him on an hour walk which included a lap around a park. When we got to the park I let him play in the snow for awhile because he was just the happiest most giddy kid ever. He acted like he had never seen snow before and was so excited. And then it happened.

I let go of the leash.

Completely by accident. I'm still not sure how it happened but OMG. My heart hasn't pounded that hard in a long time. As Max went crazy, unleashed and free in the snow at last, superhero E took over. I couldn't let this guy get away. He could get hit by a car. He could end up back on the streets. He might never find his forever home. I flung the poop bags on the ground and ran through that snow like I've never run before. "Max! Maaaaaaax!" Looking back, I must have looked like a crazed schizophrenic person. I felt my knees about to buckle when he stopped and looked back at me with a little smirk. And then he kept running. He's a fast little guy. I finally got to him and collapsed in a heap on top of him. Half relief and half exhaustion. I then proceeded to cup his face in my hands for the next five minutes saying over and over again, "Max, never do that to me again! I was so scared! I thought I lost you forever!"

That was dog number one. I had only spent an hour with the furry guy and already wanted to adopt him. I watched longingly as he was put back in his kennel when they brought the next two out. They were really small. The girl was named Edith and the boy was named Max. They've been together for 12 years, and when I say been together, I mean been together. As in, they were just in the newspaper because they just got married on Saturday. By a priest. Only in New York.

Well, Archie was fine walking around but poor little Edith was a hot mess. She hated all the loud city noises and was freezing her little paws off in the snow. Eventually I picked her up, wrapped my scarf around her, and carried her the rest of the way.

That was dog number two. And I wanted to adopt her and her handsome husband as well. Volunteering at the shelter is going to be such a rewarding experience. But I am going to have to be very very careful not to become one of those people who have animals in every nook and cranny of their apartment. Forget cat lady. I'll be the animal lady.

Oh, and PS- little Archie and Edith have had a lot of drama as of late. A crazy dog napper actually kidnapped poor little Edith just a little while ago! This was the fifth dog that this lady supposedly kidnapped so she's in biiiig trouble with the law now. That's what she gets for trying to tear true love apart!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Three Can Have a Secret if Two of Them are Dead

Human behavior fascinates me. Take liars for example. Now, I'm not talking about people who say little white lies in order to spare someone else's feelings. I think we've all done that at least once in our lives. No, I'm talking about people who flat out weave and spin stories so much that there is no longer an ounce of truth from the original event.

What I don't understand about these people though, is aren't they afraid of how they're going to look when the truth does comes out? Isn't that kinda where the phrase, "take it with a grain of salt," comes from? I mean, some lies can be so grandiose that I'm surprised anyone believes them in the first place. Then again, you're talking to one of the most gullible people in the world (no really, ask my brothers and dad- they sure had a hell of a good time pulling pranks on me when I was a kid ;) ), so I can't blame people for believing things too easily. Liars are like blogs on the internet. You just never know when to believe if what they're saying in credible.

This whole thing has got me thinking though. Why is it that people lie? My theory: Self preservation. When people distort the truth to others, it's to try to convince themselves that it is indeed the truth to protect themselves from something. Hurt, frustration, blame, all of that. Which is why I feel sorry for those people who can't face the truth.

Then again, I'm an actress who puts on costumes and plays make-believe, so who am I to really talk? In other news, I'm happily cozied up in my apartment excitedly waiting for the big storm we're about to have. I CAN'T WAIT TO GO SLEDDING. Whatever, I don't care if I'm a little kid. I'll always love snow.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Egg Head

So there I was. All dolled up and ready to go out. Where was I going you ask? Only to the annual holiday party of a popular soap opera. One of my friends from highschool had recently landed a contract role on the show and invited me to be his date. A chance to dress up and socialize with some of the best of the best? I jumped on it.

So there I am, trying to laugh at all the right moments, sprinkle conversation with my wit, and look glamorous when it happened. Let me preface this by saying, you can't take me anywhere. I was dancing with one of the other actors and for some reason we thought it would be a wise idea to do some 80's lifts. Bad idea in real life. Even a worse idea in a tight black dress and 4 inch heels. Long story short:

He fell. I fell on top of him. One of us grabbed the tablecloth where the bar was set up for support. A full beer bottle fell on my forehead followed by a heavy glass. There were stares. There was exclamation. There was drama. Only I would create drama at a soap party. Not the soap actors. Nope. Just lil ole E.

I then spent the rest of the evening on the dance floor with a napkin filled with ice pressed against my head. Thank you to my wonderful friend who put a fake ice napkin on his forehead too so I wouldn't feel alone.

Yep, that happened. And I had a huge egg sized bump on my forehead to prove it. That was fun to explain to the parents when I went home for Christmas.

I'm pretty sure I deserve some kind of award for getting the most klutzy injuries of 2010.

Well you can't say I didn't make an impression! Next time I need to work on making it a "good" one, lol.


There is a fine line between tough love and being a flat out bitch. Just sayin :)

Apparently I've been a bit off track in my blog as of late. So here's a quick run down of what I'm working on: I'm currently filming three awesome films (one feature, two shorts), I have a film premier of a feature I shot on January 28th (and we could really use your support- check out, I'm putting together a hilarious comedic webseries (see post below), and am producing my own show in February.

Positive vibes people, positive vibes!

PS- I seriously have the best friends in Brooklyn.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Thank you

Thank you. Thank you to the person who said he needed a break of a week or two and then never spoke to me again. Thank you to the person who lied to me about going to strip clubs and getting lap dances (like I really give a shit? I care about you lying, not about you having a night out with the boys) and then telling me the truth years later. Thank you to the person that I moved to France for who left the bar and went home with another girl right in front of me. But most of all? Thank you to the person who told me he loved me, wanted to marry me, wanted me to have his children, and then decided to break up with me because he wanted to go fool around with a wrestler chic. And thank you to that same person who continues to send me texts saying, "I love you. So go fuck yourself. I really miss you."

Oh really? You love me? I'm pretty sure love means not saying hurtful things in the same sentence. You don't know the meaning of love. Let me remind you, my kind blog readers of what a nice little moral compass called the bible says of love:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

You never loved me. You just wanted to possess me. So thank you. Because you made me grow up and realize that this game of drama in relationships is something I want no part of. You fucked up. All of you. But I forgive you all. Because I'm a good person and still actually care about each and every one of you.

But most of all?

Thank you.

Because the webseries I'm going to create about all of this is going to be AWESOME.