Betrayal

Something has been nagging at me for a month now. I wasn't quite sure what it was until it hit me like a lightning bolt this morning. I have been harvesting a deep feeling of strong dislike and betrayal from a girl I thought was my friend. I held this women's secrets when she asked me to, I was there for her when she was so drunk she couldn't walk, I listened to her mega boy drama for hours and then she told the one secret I had to the one person I never wanted to know. And then she snubbed me the next time I saw her.

And she never apologized.

I'm not sure why I've let this get to me so much. I have AMAZING friends and am so lucky to have all the love I have in my life so what is one girl who was never one of my besties anyway?

I guess it's more of a self-disappointment for being too trusting in the first place. Not everyone is going to like me and not everyone is going to hold your secrets just because you hold theirs. Like one of my real besties says, "You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. And that's ok!" Maybe I just need to focus on giving more to the ones I love and saving some from the semi-friends I have.

And damnit, I am a good person! I help old ladies across the street, I volunteer at an animal shelter, I listen to anyone who needs to talk, I work my ass off in this city I moved to without knowing a soul, I believe in light and love and hippie dippie peace, and yes I sometimes make stupid mistakes. But it sucks when people spread around those mistakes and not the good.

That's not love. Love should be unconditional.

So, Miss Immatellyoursecretsandneverapologize, I'm sending you light and love and letting it go.

Letting it go . . . It feels good.