Trailer

I don't normally post my work on here (or anything with my face since this blog is semi-anonymous) but I'm really excited about this film that I'm shooting this Fall. We shot the trailer already for fundraising so if you or anyone you know is in a position to donate we would all be eternally grateful. This is the first film I've been really excited about in awhile.

Check out the trailer here.

All Smiles

Last. Night. Was. Incredible.

You know that amazing full body rush you get when you fall in love for the first time? That's the feeling I had after my burlesque show last night. It was the first piece that I choreographed and made my own costume for, so at first it was scary and thrilling. And then just thrilling. Afterwards I felt so elated, euphoric, heady, and high off of life. I couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. I am so happy and thankful that I found this new venture in life and ridiculously excited for my future with it.


I've come a long way in the past six months. Life in NYC can be hard but with a great support system, drive, and passion you can do almost anything you set your mind to.

Happiness.

Grandma

For some reason my sheets smell like my Grandma's house tonight. Like my summers in Detroit. I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, she did that on purpose. To let me know she's still around. And to remind me of the fact that fairytale romances (like that of my Grandpa and her) still exist.

Thanks Grandma S. I wish I could still talk to you.

"Bad Liver And A Broken Heart"

Well I got a bad liver and broken heart, yeah,
I drunk me a river since you tore me apart
And I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink
And I wish you'd a-known her (him) , we were quite a pair,
She (He) was sharp as a razor and soft as a prayer
So welcome to the continuing saga, she (he) was my better half, and I was just a dog

And so here am I slumped, I've been chipped and I've been chumped on my stool

So buy this fool some spirits and libations, it's these railroad station bars
And all these conductors and porters, and I'm all out of quarters
And this epitaph is the aftermath, yeah I choose my path, hey, come on

He's a lawyer, he ain't the one for ya
No, the moon ain't romantic, it's intimidating as hell,
And some guy's trying to sell me a watch
And so I'll meet you at the bottom of a bottle of bargain Scotch
I got me a bottle and a dream, it's so maudlin it seems,
You can name your poison, go on ahead and make some noise
I ain't sentimental, this ain't a purchase, it's a rental, and it's purgatory,
And hey, what's your story, well I don't even care
'Cause I got my own double-cross to bear

And I'll see your Red Label, and I'll raise you one more,

And you can pour me a cab, I just can't drink no more,
'Cause it don't douse the flames that are started by dames,
It ain't like asbestos
It don't do nothing but rest us assured,
And substantiate the rumors that you've heard

- TOM WAITS

Foul Play

I've been staring at my screen for the past 15 minutes trying to put my thoughts and feelings into words. But it's impossible. I feel too much. I think too much. I say too much. And I hurt too much. I'm emotionally drained. And I just wish it could all be fixed with the wave of a magic wand.

I wish I wasn't such a dreamer.

Riots

What is wrong with people?! I can't believe what I'm hearing about the riots in London right now. I guess it's more surprising because it makes you think about how quickly it could happen here.

Check out these photos. They'll give you chills: London Riot Photos

Thrill

I need a motorcycle. Not want. Need. I rode on the back of one last night and it was . . . words can't even describe it. It was unimaginable, incredible, breathtaking, thrilling . . . no, no none of those will do. I've never experienced such a full body thrill like this before.

The wind flowing through my hair and gently caressing my skin . . . speeding down the road with nothing between me and the atmosphere . . .

Ok, so basically I can survive off of acting, modeling, promotions, and the boat for the next few months (until the boat goes out of season). But I'm going to need to find another job to get some extra cash for my motorcycle. Because I've never wanted a physical object so bad in my life.

This motorcycle is going to be my hobby, my love, my life, and my soulmate. I'm going to marry this motorcycle and he/she and I are going to travel the countryside together.

I have to make this happen.

Betrayal

Something has been nagging at me for a month now. I wasn't quite sure what it was until it hit me like a lightning bolt this morning. I have been harvesting a deep feeling of strong dislike and betrayal from a girl I thought was my friend. I held this women's secrets when she asked me to, I was there for her when she was so drunk she couldn't walk, I listened to her mega boy drama for hours and then she told the one secret I had to the one person I never wanted to know. And then she snubbed me the next time I saw her.

And she never apologized.

I'm not sure why I've let this get to me so much. I have AMAZING friends and am so lucky to have all the love I have in my life so what is one girl who was never one of my besties anyway?

I guess it's more of a self-disappointment for being too trusting in the first place. Not everyone is going to like me and not everyone is going to hold your secrets just because you hold theirs. Like one of my real besties says, "You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. And that's ok!" Maybe I just need to focus on giving more to the ones I love and saving some from the semi-friends I have.

And damnit, I am a good person! I help old ladies across the street, I volunteer at an animal shelter, I listen to anyone who needs to talk, I work my ass off in this city I moved to without knowing a soul, I believe in light and love and hippie dippie peace, and yes I sometimes make stupid mistakes. But it sucks when people spread around those mistakes and not the good.

That's not love. Love should be unconditional.

So, Miss Immatellyoursecretsandneverapologize, I'm sending you light and love and letting it go.

Letting it go . . . It feels good.