Gross

Work Halloween party last night for my part time job. I saw way too many boobs and underwear for a work event. I'll never look at some of the managers the same way again.

Another Crazy Character . . .

Aw Man, being sick totally sucks! I've had a weird stomach thing and horrible headache going on for three days now, and me being the hypochondriac that I am, think that maybe I have the Mumps. Why? Because it's going around in NYC. Someone brought it over from across the pond in England and I have ALL the symptoms. Of course, the symptoms are the same as for a cold but that's not nearly stressful enough for me.

Anywoo, I took my sick self over to the west side last night to audition for a short film for the Public Access Station in New York. The role is that of a schizophrenic bi-polar girl who is in a therapy session. I really like the character because I don't actually think she's crazy at all- I think that she just thinks too much about how small of a particle she is in the grand scheme of the world. Anyway, I booked the role which is cool, especially since it'll be shot with a three camera set-up which I haven't done before, BUT I was told by the writer/producer that because it's for a public access station they don't have to go through my union. . . which I think may not be the case. I know that interviews done for Public Access or any show do not have to go through the union, but this isn't an interview- this is acting.

Sooo I'm not sure what to do. I guess I need to call my union to check but I suspect they're going to say it still has to go through them. Which means it may never happen. But we shall see. I hope that it does happen because I really like to script and can really relate to the character (yes, I realize I just opened myself up to all kinds of "crazy" jokes).

After my audition, the producer/writer asked me if he could interview me for his show. He apparently has his own show that's on at 1am on Monday or Tuesday nights. I said yes and we proceeded with the interview. . . which lasted an hour. I'm not really sure what the heck I said because like I said, I've been pretty sick. I do believe I gave a shout out to my Mom and Dad (and to their business www.winetrailtraveler.com), and told him all about the BF. Which inevitably led to the question, "Is marriage in the future?" So much for keeping my personal life private if I ever do make it big. I need to remember not to take cold medicine before an interview again.

We talked about sports, actors, movies, and everything across the board. I'm pretty sure that I pissed off all of New York by saying that I hate the Yankees . . . too bad I later found out this is broadcast only in New York and LA. Oops. I need a PR person. You just never know what drivel is going to come out of my mouth.

And on that note, I'm going to stop typing and try to figure out what to make/order for dinner since smelling the cats' food is making me hungry. That may sound gross, but have you ever tried baby food as an adult? Because cat food is MUCH better tasting. But that's another story for another rainy day.

This stream of consciousness I have going here is making me think I may have more in common with my new character than I originally thought. Or maybe it's just the Mumps talking.

Walkin On A Cloud

(Me on the red carpet for the first time.)

What a surreal weekend. I was a bit nervous about my first red carpet premier. I wasn't really sure what to expect or what the scope of this thing would be. I went out to dinner with a few friends first, had a glass of wine to calm my nerves, and then headed over to the movie theatre. In NYC standards, this theatre was HUGE. I spotted it from far away with the title of my movie scrolling along on the marquee. Here we go, I thought. I was excited and nervous . . . and the night far exceeded my expectations.

I checked in my entourage of four friends and then made my way over to the red carpet entrance. I was ushered right to the front since I was the female lead in the movie and after a minute was sent right in. OMG. Six or seven paparazzi awaited me and as I began posing shouted: Over here! Right here love! Look at me! One over here! Just look over here! WTF. I just kept thinking, "this is so weird." I know, this is what movie stars deal with and all, but I never expected it this soon for such a low budget indie that I did. One of them commented, "Oh yeah, she's done this before." But, no I hadn't. Yes, I've modeled and been around countless cameras, but this was my first time on the red carpet. The only reason I looked like I knew what I was doing was from watching the red carpet entrances for awards shows from behind a TV since I was little.

Once that surreal and incredibly weird moment happened, I walked into the lobby of the theatre and was quickly grabbed for a TV interview. I have no idea what I said but I know I sounded scary because my voice has been lost for the past few days and whatever it was came out in strained croaks. But even so, I couldn't stop smiling. I was grinning from ear to ear. Even when I was on the red carpet I was smiling so much because I was actually laughing at how ridiculous this all was. Ridiculous in a good way. Ridiculous in the way that this is what I've always wanted and it is finally starting to happen. It felt amazing to be acknowledged for my work. I was walking on a cloud.

Once I got into the theatre where the movie was playing, I was surprised to find that it was almost completely packed. I still don't know who those people were or how they heard about the movie but it was full to the brim. Every time I came on screen I just started smiling again at the ridiculousness that I was actually the person up there on the gigantic screen. It was just so bizarre and so cool.

Afterwards, an agent came up to me and said that she thought I was actually English (I play an MI-6 agent in the film) and that I could get a lot of work. A few other people came up to me and for once I felt that I was the schmoozer instead of the schmoozee. (Or is that the other way around? Anyway, you get my point.) The afterparty was at a new spiffy club and tons of people from sports players to everyday Joes made an attempt to say hi. It was of course very cool but at the same time made me a bit sad for society, because these were people who would not have given me the time of day if they hadn't just seen my movie. The movie was also playing on some screens in the club and every time I came on, I grabbed my friend Catalano (who was up visiting from MD) and said, "look that's me, that's me!!!"

So, maybe I'm supposed to play this whole thing cool and act like it's no big deal to me, but it is. I feel that this is the beginning of something special. No, it wasn't a huge Hollywood premier with tons of celebs but it was a pretty big stepping stone that I will never forget. Now, it's time to come down from the clouds and be back in the real world . . . for now.

My Crazy is My Norm

Friday afternoon, I snuck out of MHDJ, made my way on the subway (which was an adventure as always since uptown trains were only going express and I of course was on a local track) to port authority. I rushed through the crowds down to the line going to Baltimore, waited impatiently in line, and finally plopped down in my seat with relief. I had decided that since I finally had a free Saturday I was going home to visit my pregnant bff Tee and soak in some fresh Maryland air. As soon as I got to my parent’s house I took a walk outside and laid in the backyard grass, starring up at the trees blowing in the wind.

What a difference four hours can make. The hustle and bustle of New York seemed worlds away as I felt a calm breeze blow over me and my whole body relax. Looking up into the sky, I pondered at how it is so much easier for me to have some kind of faith while in Maryland but not in NYC. I don’t know if it’s because my family is there or if it’s because it’s full of nature, but something akin to spirituality hit me that I would typically scoff at in New York. It was just a calm sort of happiness that I hadn’t felt in ages. I miss that. I love New York and think it’s an amazing city, but I think I ultimately need to find a place with nature. I want to have a front porch that I can swing on while sipping a glass of wine after dinner. I want a farm with goats and chickens and pet pigs, dogs, and cats. More than any of that though, I want to act so that pretty much limits me to Connecticut or the mountains of California.

Seeing my oldest friend pregnant was surprisingly not weird. I know it was exactly what she’s always wanted and she is at a perfect place in her life and I am so happy for her. It's easy to compare myself to others (especially via facebook) and wonder if I should be doing similar things at this point in my life. But that’s not for me. Neither is remodeling a house like my other bff from highschool, getting married, or thinking about retirement funds. And you know what? I’m ok with that. One day maybe I'll have the house and the kids and all that stuff but right now I like never knowing what's happening day to day, meeting up with friends on random nights, living in sin, and living this crazy dream. Maybe people may think I'm delaying grown up life, but who cares. I like it.

And speaking of "the dream," I woke up in the wee hours of the morning on Sunday to rush back on a bus to nyc for the first day of filming my "gatekeeper" role. I'm really liking this whole white wig and fishnets thing.

One day relaxing in Maryland and the next wearing crazy clothes and telling someone they can't enter eternity until they find their soul. Yeah, I'm pretty happy at the moment.

Naturally Evil

Thursday night I took an awesome class with Bob Lambert, the casting director of under 5's (under 5 lines) for All My Children. Now, I usually don't use people's real names in this blog but I will with Bob because he’s amazing- and I kinda think we’re kindred spirits but I’ll leave that for another time. I highly recommend taking his class if you're interested in getting into soaps at all. He spent an hour basically talking about the audition process and shooting schedule for soaps because they are so different than regular TV shows. Then he screen-tested the whole class and critiqued us and then we watched our performances. And do you know what his comment was for mine? "Wow, that was great!" . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . "You just have this natural evilness that is really fun to watch!"

Wait, what?

I smiled and thanked him and sat back down in my chair wondering if it is true that I am naturally evil. I mean, I don't think I am, but what if I am? Do evil people know that they're evil? Or are they people like me, unsuspecting of their darker nature until someone else points it out to them? I decided that no, I'm not naturally evil, I'm just a good actress. . . although that could be a cop out for further self psychological probing. I also left wondering if people who aren’t good actors even know it. Because to be honest, I’ve taken a couple classes where there are a few actors who are pretty horrid, and the teacher doesn’t even mention it. Could I be one of those people? I mean someone would have mentioned it by now, right? RIGHT?!?!?

No wonder actors are so crazy. Our business relays so heavily on sense of self. That and the chances of getting a contract role on a soap are 1 in 40,000.

Flonasing Through Life

Update to the previous post- I booked BOTH jobs that I auditioned for last Tuesday! woot woot! The other is a fun web series about a bunch of 20 somethings trying to live their dreams in NYC. I play the girl that sleeps her way to the top (and before the question even pops into your head- no I am nothing like her in that regard!) I haven't done a webseries yet and am excited to be part of the current movement in the entertainment industry as everyone moves toward TV on the web.

In other news . . . I went to the allergist today and got 20 shots in my arm. No, I'm not talking about the little pricks you get when they do regular testing. That was a summer's breeze compared to this. No, in this testing, they give you a shot in the arm and then DO IT AGAIN NINETEEN MORE TIMES. My entire arm is a bloody swollen mess right now. Ok, ok there's not too much blood, but it's more than I'd like to see.

And here's the kicker- ready for it? I'm highly allergic to my babies. (For those of you who aren't normal blog readers, no I am not referring to miniature humans, I am talking about my kittens). My little sweet peas that snuggle with me every night and burrow their faces in my neck. Those snuggly little (well not so little in Jimmy's case- he's a whopping 10 lbs and only 7 mo. old) furballs are what has been causing my sneezing and watery eyes and all that other fun stuff that comes with allergies.

No, I will not be parting with them. I will however be getting an air filter and using flonase everyday. We can't have my nose running all over the place as I lay draped over producers in my upcoming role. Or as I am telling someone that they're dead and soulless . . . well a little nose flem might not be too bad for that one.

Yin and Yang

I have many times mentioned the ups and downs of the entertainment industry. Nothing exemplifies this yin and yang more than the past 24 hours for me. Yesterday I was cursing the entertainment gods for their cruelty and today I am joyously thanking them. Why do you ask?

Yesterday I had two auditions, 1 for a feature film and 1 for a web series. After both auditions I shook my head wondering if I'm rusty, out of "acting" shape if you will. Like I've mentioned it's been extremely slow lately. I've never had this few of auditions, even when I first moved here. Damn economy needs to bounce back soon!

So, anyway back to my yin and yang, my balancing act of light and dark. I just received a phone call from the feature film audition yesterday and I booked it!!!! Woohoo!!!!! My part is only being shot over a time span of 3 or 4 days but that is 3-4 days where I get paid to do what I love. And when I do, I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world. That is what makes the horrible days worth it. It may seem like there are more dark days than good, but the light of the good outshines the dark in a powerful way.

Umm yeah did I mention that my new character is the gatekeeper to "Eternity?" I think I'm already speaking in her terms. Expect some very philosophical entries for the next month :)

Not so Anonymous

I just spent 45 minutes on an entry entitled "This Sucks . . . by Anonymous" only to delete it because I'm afraid of offending certain people that I've worked with in my industry. And that really sucks. I should be able to say whatever I want to without having to censor myself. But I suppose it doesn't work that way. They can use and abuse me but I still have to play nice just on the off chance that they want to use and abuse me again.

This really does suck . . . but this entry is not anonymous.