It was last Tuesday when I reached the peak of my breakdown. I called my Mom in the morning and started sobbing. I wanted to go home and hide under my covers for a month. I wanted to be where no one could find me. I would find solace in my sleep. I talked to my Mom, my Dad, my sister, and eight of my closest friends that day. In retrospect, I am lucky to have so many people who love me in my life. My two oldest friends, Tini and Catalano got on the phone together and like true best friends exclaimed, "We were wondering when all of this would hit you!" Everyone understood why I was in the midst of an inner crisis.
The night before, I was sure that if anyone could actually spontaneously combust, then I would be a goner by morning. But after talking to those closest to me, I realized these feelings were normal. Anyone would be having them with all the major life changes that I had recently been through. I quit my job, broke up with my boyfriend of over 5 years, went through the holidays, packed up the apartment I shared with my ex, left a lot of awesome friends (some old, some I mourned for not having enough time with), and moved 3,000 MILES AWAY. Everything wasn't supposed to be ok. I could go home and feel sorry for myself, or I could start healing now.
I looked down at my feet in the sand, at the ocean in front of me, and the mountains in the distance. If I was going to heal, it was going to be here. Here, where though there will be plenty of rejection, there will also be many successes. Here where the air smells fresh and you can dig your toes into the soil at the top of a mountain and then watch the sunset by the sea. I have to go through this on my own. It might hurt now, but I will be better for it in the long run.
Just rip the Band-Aid off. And take on the world.
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