Emotions

My emotions are all over the place. I somehow thought that with the beginning of a new year, everything would suddenly be better. But it's not. I'm still trying to recover from a devastating breakup (which after more than 5 years is more equivalent to a divorce). I'm still trying to deal with the emotions of leaving a place that I've called my home for the past four years. And yes, I'm even trying to deal with the disappointment I see in my kitten's eyes every time I see them. As crazy as it sounds, every time Fergie looks at me, I feel like she is judging me for breaking up the family. I can't ever imagine going through an actual real divorce where kids are involved. It's enough to make me never want to date again.

I'm trying not to think about all of the changes. I'm just plowing along. Trying to forget about everything. I'm hoping LA really is the new beginning that I hope it will be. I'm just tired of crying. I want to be happy again. Not just content- I want to be ecstatically happy. All the time. And I want my cats to stop being so stressed out themselves.

I'm going to find a way to make this work. I know I'm going through the worst of it now and that things will get better. Things have to get better.