My Breakup with My Facebook Page

Oh Facebook. I’ve been trying to work things out with you for over a month now, but you are just being unresponsive. It’s like you don’t even care anymore. I write to you everyday asking you to let me log into you again and never hear back. What has happened to us? We used to be so happy together. I remember the days when I would sneak on to see you while at work and you would always greet me with a refreshing smile. And the nights when we used to stay up until 3am typing with each other. Now the nights are long a cold.

But last night I decided it was time to move on. Facebook, I created a new account. Now, I know that this is in violation of your terms and agreements but you turned a cold shoulder on me and left me little choice.

And like a typical relationship, as soon as I moved on, you asked for me back. This morning you coaxed me into logging onto you again and after a month and a half of rejection, you let me in! Imagine my surprise, and my angst. Why is it that the moment I moved on, you came crawling back? But then, as soon as I got my hopes up, you kicked me off again. I am torn facebook. I am starting a new relationship with my new account, but we have so much history together. I don’t want to leave you, but don't see any other option. So, I will convert all my old friends to my new facebook page. I will leave the memories and photos of you behind and never turn back.

I know one day you will probably let me log into my original account again. But by then it will be too late. You had a good thing and you lost it. Goodbye Facebook page. We had a great run together, but it is time to move on.

Going Bi . . . Coastal that is

Soooo . . . I said that I was going to hold of on making all major life decisions until my vacation and I stayed true to that promise. But that time has now come and past so I am free to finally say with certainty that I will be moving to LA in January.

Mind you, this is not a permanent move. I am keeping my apartment, the BF, and the kittens in New York. But I’ll also have a place in LA. I’m going with an actress friend and we plan on staying for three months and then re-evaluating our next steps. It doesn’t feel as scary to know that I’ll be with someone else there, though I have to say I’m going to miss my cats like crazy. Oh, and I’ll miss the BF too ;) I’m not quite sure how this is going to work out financially, considering my bank account is looking pretty pitiful, but I am a firm believer that money will come when you need it most.

So, call me a gypsy, or a crazy actress or whatever. Maybe I am. But I’m excited to be making a change . . . and moving to the west coast during the coldest season in NYC doesn’t hurt either.

I Love Assawoman

Well I'm back in the city after a weekend of shooting and then a week in the sun. I needed both badly. I find myself much more relaxed now, but the familiar headache and lack of appetite that accompanies my living here is already setting in.

The movie I shot in Delaware was amazing. I am so glad that I went through with it all. From Friday to Sunday, everything aligned perfectly. It was a very long weekend but it was well worth it, (I haven't seen the footage yet, but I have high hopes). It was a great learning experience for me to be on the other side of film making. Though, unfortunately I believe that my acting suffered since I was producing and co-directing on set, but I did the best I could in my present mindset.

On Saturday, after a breakfast of coffee, OJ, bagels, and donuts (my plan of waking up early and making the cast and crew a three course breakfast failed miserably), we piled into a couple vehicles and made our way over to the Assawoman Bay (yes, that's it's real name). There, we picked up the boat that I had reserved only to find that it was a much smaller version of the one that I had ordered. When I questioned this, I was told that since we only had 5 people they had to keep the larger boat for larger parties. Oh helllll no. This is where my living in New York came in handy. Three years ago, I probably would have smiled and said I understood and tried to make do with a boat that was too small. But when you live in a city where you have to fight to get by everyday, your "survival of the fittest" mentatility kicks in.

Me: We need the larger boat because as I said on the phone, we are making a film and have all of this film equipment that will simply not fit on the boat you are offering.

Boat Lady: Yeah, but the owner said we need to keep the larger boat in case a bigger party comes.

Me: (somewhat aggressive now) Well I wish someone would have told me this before because we would have taken our business elsewhere. (Monster begins to come out). We just can't use this boat at all and we have a film to make so we NEED the bigger boat NOW.

BL (who looks like a mere teenager) exchanges looks with Hot Boat Guy (who is probably way too young for me to be calling hot).

BL: Umm, can we switch around another party?

HBG: Umm . . . we can work it out. Let me take you to your boat Miss.

Whew, first crisis averted. And possibly only because everyone is so damn nice in Delaware that they didn't know what to do with the Crazed New Yorker in front of them.

The rest of the day in the bay went by smoothly, with the exception of a bit of a jellyfish issue (one of the actresses couldn't bear going in the water with so many jellyfish surrounding her, which is understandable), and the excessive sunburns that we are all enduring over a week later. My back is peeling so much that I look like I have a skin disease. And as I am typing this, a flake from my chest just fell on the computer. Yummy.

The biggest problem of all is that we caught an awesome amount of crabs (probably around 25) but they all died. The BF tells me I shouldn't tell anyone this little snippet because PETA will come after me, but they all died by accident and we were going to eat them anyway, so their fate was pretty much the same. This crisis was averted by going to a nearby market and buying a bushel of live crabs to steam. Which brought on another problem.

As I was finishing up a scene outside on a dock, I yelled into the beach house to ask one of the actresses to take the crabs off the steamer. Big mistake. 20 minutes later, I come inside to find her in tears with a second degree burn. It looked disgusting- I can only imagine how horrible it must have felt. But she carried on like a champ and made it through the rest of the shoot.

This entry is getting way to long so I'll just go on to say that Sunday went smoothly and I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me as soon as we wrapped.

Yes, it was an amazing experience. I'm already thinking of a plot for my next one . . . Maybe "Revenge of the Assawoman."

Friday

What a weekend. There are too many things I want to write about so I'm going to write in sections. Early Friday morning I boarded a greyhound bus to make my way down to Delaware where I would rent a car and pick up props for the film this weekend. As soon as I got off the bus in Dover I was greeted by a wave of niceties. The bus driver kindly offered his hand to help me down the bus steps, strangers smiled and waved their hands up in greetings, and one woman even offered to take us to the rent a car station. The BF and I turned her down with a smile but she then rattled off how it wasn't a problem and that she would be going that way anyway and how a cab would cost us an arm and a leg. We exchanged glances, shrugged, and said, ok sure!

So, a kind stranger took us to the car rental place without wanting anything in return. Then the people at the rental place were very nice and accommodating (so the BF told me- I was on the phone the whole time making last minute calls for the movie. The BF said that he felt like he was chauffeuring around a business person and I have to say that it felt wonderful.) Then a lady at KFC gave me a free biscuit while smiling and saying what a pleasure it was to serve us, and then the sales people at Target, Best Buy, and Michaels were all amazingly pleasant. The BF and I were in shock the entire time. As much as I love NYC, people there are just not like this. And I've gotta say the niceness was a bit unsettleing at first for some reason. But now I love it. It's enough to make me want to move to a quiet town on the water where I can write and take a private helicopter to auditions when I have them.

Ok, must go to the beach now. I will write about the wonderfully surreal weekend of making my own film a bit later. What an amazing weekend.

Hell Week

Things are starting to come together for this weekend. I found a boat, got the sound equipment reserved, have the camera and lighting on standby, have the cargo van reserved, and am making an extensive prop list at the moment. I think this may actually work!

You know, I'm not gonna lie- I always thought that acting was the most important part of a film, and though yes, it is important, there are soooo many other things that go into it. I think it's really good for me to be doing this from a production standpoint just to give me another point of view. If I ever do it again though, I'm hiring a producer. I'd rather concentrate on the acting and the script. But this weekend I shall be the scriptwriter, producer, co-director, and actor all in one.

They don't call it hell week for nothing.

Crazy is my Middle Name

Seriously going crazy. My boat fell through this weekend and I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to find a new one. This is insanity. Anyone who tries to make a film themselves is crazy. Apparently crazy is my middle name. And speaking of boats, if I'm filming all day on one, how am I supposed to go to the bathroom? There are so many little loose ends I need to tie up. Seriously. Going. Nuts.

My Favorite Kind of Work

(My kitten is very supportive of my industry)

This weekend was awesome. The filming days were long, but well worth it. I really got into my character and even made some of the crew cry during my scary scenes. Score! The people I worked with were truly amazing. So kind, talented, and appreciative. And don't even get me started on the location. It was purely spectacular. Think big mansion on the water with an amazing yard and kick ass pool. I was about ready to pitch a tent up in their yard and squat for the rest of the summer.

Anywoo, I'm back in the city now and stressing about my upcoming film that I'm producing, acting in, and co-directing this weekend. I've written a million versions of the script and am still unsure about the final one. It's getting down to the wire now. And then there is the boat situation- we don't have one. Did I mention the entire film takes place on a boat. . . umm yeah. Speaking of which, I need to get back to work on logistics. Or drink a bottle of wine. Take your pick.

Hotels are Creepy

I just got to the hotel I'm staying at in CT. It's a Hilton and bigger than my apartment. Being alone in hotel rooms always freaks me out a bit so I just set out all my makeup on the bathroom counter, hung up all my clothes, and set up my computer. I'm just waiting now for the producer to pick me up so I can go over to the set to get a look at it tonight. Then back to the room to relax and order room service. Ok, I'm going to go sprawl out on the king size bed next to me and read for a bit. Hopefully this creepy feeling I have will translate on screen tomorrow when I'm being chased. Peace out.

E

Academia + Acting = Filing

Bored bored bored bored. MHDJ is soooooooooooo boring. I’m leaving for CT this evening for a weekend of filming and I wish I was there already. Seriously guys, I don’t think I can stress how boring this job is. Guess what wonderful activity my college education will be serving me this afternoon? Ready for it? Pulling Files. Yes, pulling files out of a filing cabinet. That’s all. Maybe I’ll get to do some alphabetizing. Woot woot. I hate this.

I’m the one that took all AP classes in high school and went to college on a full academic scholarship! I’m the one who wrote brilliant college essays (and some not so brilliant) and who visited my professors during their office hours. What has happened to me? The answer is simple enough: I decided to become an actress. I really need to let my pride and my ego go because they are the things that make me unhappy. I don’t want people thinking that I’m only capable of filing when I know I can be so much more! And the worst part is that people at my job treat me like dirt when I’m pretty damn sure my SAT scores were a hell of a lot higher than theirs.

But I need to take a step back and remember why I’m doing this. I’m doing it so that I’m able to survive while perusing acting jobs and going on auditions. I’m paying my dues. But, come on man. Haven’t I paid enough already? Ok, no don’t answer that Universe- you play a tricky game and I’m sure you have more in store for me. Let me just close my eyes and picture myself in CT in a few hours.

And really, when I’m on set acting it’s all so worth it.

Weekend Roundup

I had another, “Wow, I’m an actress in NYC” moment Friday night. It was during the curtain call on the closing night of my play. The house lights went up and I looked out into the audience and was filled with joy at an almost full house clapping for me. It was a satisfying moment.

Then I went to my cast party, got back my apartment at 2am and decided to catch a bus to Maryland right then and there. I was supposed to go back for a wedding the next day anyway, but leaving in the middle of the night made the bus ride much more bearable. Maryland was great. It was wonderful just staying in my parents’ house, relaxing, and eating good home cooked food. I needed it.

Within five minutes of getting back in the city, my cab driver got into a verbal altercation with another car and then almost killed us. Typical welcome back from the city. But, I needed to get back to work on my next projects anyway. I’m acting in a thriller this weekend in CT, which is going to be awesome (fresh air, a summer house, and being chased by bad guys- what more could you ask for?).

In addition to that I really need to get my act together with this crab movie that I’m writing, producing, and acting in. . . I don’t know why I thought I could be a Mel Gibson. It’s incredibly difficult doing all of it myself and I really hope I can pull it off. It’s costing me a hell of a lot more money than I had projected so it better damn well come out well.

Alright, back to watching the Deadliest Catch for film research while Fergie is curled up in my lap. Though I may complain a lot, I really do have the best job in the world.