Stuck

I'm going through a major quarter life crisis right now. Quarter life crisis doesn't even begin to explain it. What in God's name am I doing with my life? Do I seriously think that I am going to be in the .01% that makes it in the acting world? I have gotten so close SO many times but keep falling back down to the ground. This is insane. Am I really going to be miserable for the rest of my life, sulking on the sofa when I don't have auditions or any kind or work, just wondering how the hell I'm going to pay my bills? I'm tired of sulking and I'm tired of hopelessly longing for it. I am at my wits end. Actually, no. I am past my wits end. I literally told a doctor the other day that I wondered if I should check into a mental hospital and she said that they would never take me. Mental hospitals don't even want me!!!!

I need to get out of here. I just don't know where "here" is. I'm being delusional if I think LA is going to be any better. But I know I have to try. I just have to get out of this unhealthy frame of mind I've been in for the past few months. I have wasted so much time on my couch in front of the TV. I just don't know how to get out of this stupid quarter life crisis funk.

I know, whah whah, my life is so hard. I get it. I know that I have it good. So why can't I just be happy? Is it that freakin hard? I know it's annoying that I'm just bitching about my life when so many people have it worse than me. I'm just stuck right now. Really stuck. Googling the meaning of life isn't helping and neither are those career quizzes that are all over the internet. I don't know anyone personally who has made it in my industry that started out like me, and the last therapist I saw fell asleep while I was talking to him. I'm on my own here. No one can help me get unstuck except for myself.