Please Don't Thank Me!

I was just thank you’d. No, it’s not a good thing.

I had a great photoshoot. The photographer was professional, the shots were artistic, and the proceeds go to charity so I’m happy with it. After the shoot I ran through Times Square to an audition for a play that sounded really cool. As I prepared in the waiting area, every girl that came out was asked to stay and read the sides (pieces from the script). I was thinking that if they liked that many people then they would probably like me too. . .

I performed two contrasting monologues for my audition. The first was a dramatic piece and the second a comedy which got all the right laughs in the right places. I was really happy with my performance and about to give myself an imaginary pat on the back when it happened. The director looked through her notes and said “I think . . . that’s it for you.” And then it came. I flinched inwardly, knowing what was next and braced myself. She smiled and said, “Thank you.”

NO! “Thank you” is awful to an actor’s ear. “Thank you” after an audition means, “Thanks, but no.” No, you’re not good enough, no you didn’t make the cut, no we don’t like you. Rejection is a constant in an actor’s life. We’re used to it, but that doesn’t mean we like it. Because no matter how much we know that it’s not personal and that it could be any number of things, we are plagued with insecurities. We know that we could have the wrong eye color, body type, age, voice, or we’re not pretty enough, or too pretty, or we remind the director of their ex or someone they hated in their past. But no matter how many times we tell ourselves these things or how true they may be, we also know that it could be because we weren’t good enough. That maybe we’ve given up our lives and dedicated it to something that will never love us in return. That one day, we’ll wake up and realize we’re 80 years old and still going to the same auditions. Yes, actors are used to rejection, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. It does however make the victories taste that much sweeter.

Or maybe I was just so good that they knew immediately that they wanted me, right? RIGHT???