The Last Thing You Want to do When You’re Hungover is Clean Up Your Pet’s Runny Poop From Your Computer Cords

This weekend was quite an adventure. Friday night I went out with a couple girls to the outdoor bar at Bryant Park and then off to Cellar Bar where a friend of mine bartends. We had Canadian hockey players hitting on us all night- possibly because I informed them of the results of the Stanley Cup (I conveniently didn’t mention that the reason I knew who won was because the BF was at home watching, until after they ordered me a drink). What? A girls gotta drink! I vacantly remember stumbling home at some godforsaken hour and taking off my heels in the dirty stairwell of my apartment building.

Saturday, feeling a wee bit hungover I was getting ready for a show at Arlene’s Grocery when I smelled something awful. I peeked in the litterbox . . . no cat there. Hmm. . . I followed my nose to behind the couch and saw Jimmy sitting there in a pile of shit. “Jimmy! What are you doing?!?! You know that’s not the litterbox!” He looked up at me with loving eyes that said, “Mommy, don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to!” So, I sighed and grabbed a roll of paper towels and the 409. Then it happened. I moved the couch and bent down and . . . SPLIIIIIT. My oldest and most favorite pair of jeans split right down the crotch. They were irreparable. Almost in tears, I proceeded to assess the aftermath of damage from Jimmy’s runny poop. Oh god. It’s in the massage chair that we keep behind the sofa. And it’s covering a pile of computer cords including my Mac power cord and camera charger! I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed at the massage chair, but it was already absorbed into the tiny little holes in the material, so I set it aside to be thrown away. The cords took a good hour of cleaning, and honestly I’m not even sure if I got all of the crap off.

Trust me, the last thing you want to do when you’re hungover is clean up your pet’s runny poop from your computer cords.

The bands at Arlene’s grocery were hilarious and I felt much better Sunday morning due to me only drinking water the night before. But last night, the cats started going crazy and kept me up all night. They’re like babies. Jimmy wouldn’t stop meowing while I was trying to sleep until I held him. So a new week has begun and I don’t feel rested in the least bit.

I’m off to rehearsal in a bit and pulling out a weird energy drink someone gave to me at a callback last week. I’m exhausted and I need some wings. Thankfully, I’m playing a 12 year old for this rehearsal, so my crankiness will probably work. As all acting teachers say, USE IT.