Pucker up!

Kissing scenes are always a little bit awkward. Especially if you know the person you’re kissing. In film, it’s always easier because you usually do the kissing scenes on the first day of shooting since it takes away the pressure. But theatre is quite different. Especially because you have to rehearse it. Over and over again. While your entire cast is watching. It’s just not fun.

On Saturday we had our entire cast, the writer, and some of the crew in the room when my kissing scene came up. And the kiss between my co-star and I was dissected into pieces.

Director: Ok, this time, I want you to kiss her on both cheeks first and then on the mouth.

KISS KISS KISS

Director: Hmm, not really like that. It’s more like you’re kissing her tears.

KISS KISS KISS

Director: Ok, this time, when you get to the real kiss, it starts like a peck of friendship and then grows into something more.

KISS KISS KISS

Director: The cheek thing is more like this . . .

and my director went in for it (on the cheek). By this time everyone is laughing and thanking their lucky stars they’re not me. I laughed and shouted, “Anyone else want a try?” Then we did it once more and I just couldn't keep quiet any longer:

ME: Hey, I’m sorry if this sounds weird, but you’re going to the left. Can you go to the right instead?

CO-STAR: What?

ME: You know, when we kiss, you’re going to the left, but it’s a bit awkward for me because I always go to the right when I kiss.

DIRECTOR: You always go to the right?

ME: Well yeah! Don’t most people?

DIRECTOR: No, I like to switch it up a bit.

CO-STAR: Yeah, me too. I like to start on the left and then go to the right.

ME: Really? I thought most people went to the right! I always go to the right and I hate it when people switch to the left! Am I the only one here? (I glance at the cast and crew and see one woman nodding in agreement with me.) See, she goes to the right too!

DIRECTOR: I think maybe you need to try new things. You should try it to the left- maybe you’ll like it.

ME: No! I don’t like the left! I LIKE THE RIGHT!!!!

Then three people said at once, “This sounds like a Seinfeld episode.”

Yes, kissing scenes are most definitely awkward. It makes me always miss the comfort of the BF's lips. And I would like to take this moment to thank him for always going to the right. And for understanding that I sometimes have to kiss other people for the sake of my career. . . God acting is weird. In no other career would you ever read that sentence.

Hungry?

I just saw a casting that under "compensation" said "FOOD."

And I almost applied, because let's face it. . . I'm kinda hungry.

Weekend Rant

You know what I hate? When people post castings for actors and rant and rave about how much exposure it will bring and how it will be seen by millions of people and then say . . . no pay. If it is going to be seen by that many people than you are clearly making money off of it and you obviously don’t value your actors. Or you’re just a lying SOB. I'm glad that I’m in SAG so I don’t have to worry too much about this anymore, but you’d be surprised at how many SAG productions still try to get around paying their actors. It’s despicable.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest- I realize that I’ve lost a bit of focus lately with the recent events in Iran. I guess that’s one of the downfalls of being an actor- some things just get to you more than “normal” people. But I think it’s fully acceptable to lose focus for a couple days because of an international crisis.

So, onto my wonderful and weird last weekend. Friday night was hilarious. HILARIOUS. After getting out of rehearsal and taking a bus across town (which on a Friday night took 45 minutes as opposed to 10), I walked through a very shady part of town before making it to the nice part, and was greeted at the door of my last film’s wrap party with shots of Tequila and chex mix. We then proceeded to watch the rough cut of our short film which was one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen in my life. Of course, it may have just seemed that funny to us because we were the ones who made it, so we shall have to wait to see what the general public thinks. But I think it’s great, (which I rarely say for my own films). It was quite refreshing to be in a comedy after doing so many dramas lately.

Then Saturday, I got up ready to rally again- this time for my feature that would be premiering on TV. I’ve been on TV before, but not with a part this big so I was pretty excited. I had a bunch of friends over for mojitos and popcorn, and this is what proceeded to happen:

K: Umm, E? Isn’t your movie on right now?
E: Oh yeah, I forgot! (turns on TV)
K: Omg, that’s you! This is so cool!
E: Hmm, yeah so anyway back to my other conversation . . . .

I was not even remotely involved in watching myself. Not because I wasn’t interested, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I just can’t watch myself in dramatic scenes. Because I think they’re side-splittingly funny. Which they are definitely not. It was just weird. Really weird. I thought I’d love it, but it’s a bit like staring at yourself in the mirror and having all your friends over to stare at it with you. Just weird.

One cool thing is that one of my old French friends that I studied with in Ireland was in town and came over to watch it, so it was neat for him to see how I’ve progressed throughout the years. He said to me, “I remember you talking about what you wanted to do, and now here you are doing it!” That felt pretty good. Because I am doing it. Regardless of whether I can watch myself or not, I am doing it. I’m not where I want to be yet and I have a lot of room for improvement, but I’m still plugging along.

Let’s just hope I keep getting paid.

Show Your Support!

I don’t understand how the media is not making a big deal about the conflict in Iran right now. I am following so many twitter and facebook pages from people in the middle of the riots in Iran at this moment and it is a BIG deal. How is this not on the front page of every newspaper right now? I usually don’t get that involved in politics but I’ve never felt as passionate about a human rights issue as now. Maybe it’s because people are saying it’s a “women’s” movement, or maybe it’s because it’s being led by young people who are just like me, except for the fact that they were born in a different country.

If anyone is in NYC tomorrow, please attend this rally in Union Square. As my old headshot photographer, Shirin Tinati said, “I feel its vital to have as many Non-Iranian people gather to show support as possible. Human rights are being violated in Iran and that is a global concern not just a national one. Please come out and join us....each and every individual voice can make a difference.”

We are lucky to be in this country right now where most of our worries involve what to eat for lunch, not how to get to the market without being shot at. We should not be taking our freedom for granted. We need to support those who have to fight for theirs.


Host: Where Is My Vote-NYC
Type: Causes-Rally
Date: Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Time: 7:00pm - 10:00pm
Location: Union Square
Street: 14th Street
City/Town: New York, NY
8477694276
Email: whereismyvotenyc.2009@yahoo.com

Description:
no flags-no factions
Invite anyone and everyone!!
Wear Black and Green. Bring candles, white flowers and green ribbon!!!
We need to come out and show those back in Iran that we honor them. "

At least 19 people were killed in clashes in Tehran on Saturday as Iranians took to the streets to protest the results of the June 12 presidential election, according to hospital sources." "Iranian-funded Press TV confirmed 13 fatalities, while unconfirmed reports put the number as high as 150."Additionally 457 (official report) to 700 protesters, activists and opposition leader have been arrested or detained.

RE-Post and Forward!!!!
Come show support.

Iran- Where is Their Vote?

My weekend accomplishments seemed dwarfed by what is going on in the world right now. I can’t write about things that seem so trivial when there are innocent people being brutally murdered in Iran. Yesterday was father’s day here in the U.S., and I just watched a video on youtube of an innocent girl shot in the heart and dying in her father’s arms in the streets of Iran. I have never ever seen anything so heartbreaking in my entire life. These stories are usually censored by the media, but since the media has been banned in Tehran, we are getting the raw footage from people’s cell phones. It makes me feel closer to what is actually happening. It makes me sick to my stomach. It inspires me.

I hope that this uprising is not futile. I hope this revolution sparks change for the people. I hope that lives are not lost in vain. I need to do something, but I don’t know what. I wish I could be there with the people, supporting them. Since that’s not possible, I researched little ways we can all help and compiled this list:

Social Networking sites are playing a large role right now because media has been banned. People in Iran are posting updates on sites such as Twitter and Youtube. Log into your Twitter, Youtube, and Facebook accounts and stay abreast on information.

People on twitter, pay attention to this forward: “Please set your location to Tehran and your time zone to GMT +3.30. Iranian security forces are hunting for bloggers using location/timezone searches. The more people at this location, the more of a logjam it creates for forces trying to shut access to the internet down.”

Go to local rallies/protests (regardless of your ethnicity) to show your support for the people of Iran.

To learn more and to keep up with current events, go to: http://iran.whyweprotest.net/

PASS THIS INFO ON. Knowledge is power and right now the Iranian people need all the support they can get.

For photos go here.

Yadayadaydadadada

If it seems like I haven’t been writing much this week, it’s because . . . well I haven’t. My mind has been buzzing on 100 different levels with pieces of conversations incongruously overlapping each other. I have so many thoughts that none of them make any sense and when I try to write, it comes out something like this:

Jump rope, theatre actors different than film actors, want chocolate, banana allergy, rain rain rain, which am I, weird play, don’t fit in, need vacation, cat pee, shower, more coffee, emotional rehearsals, want some toast with that jelly, need to do more, what do I do now, france, hair needs washed, blue crabs, too many thoughts, need to get some air, can’t breath in nyc, basil is dying, too many thoughts, true blood, can’t function, too many thoughts . . . sleep.

My brain feels like it’s about to explode. Which is why my facebook status updates this week have consisted of: ayiyiyiyiyiyi, lalalaloolooloo, or yadadadada. Hardly brilliant writing, but it’s all my brain can come up with.

I am so looking forward to the weekend. I have rehearsal until 9:30 tonight, then I’m heading over to a cast wrap party for a short film I recently did where I get to watch myself be a complete and utter bitch onscreen, then we’re all going out. Then tomorrow I have more rehearsal, then am watching a feature film I recently did which comes out on TV (NBC Nonstop at 9pm if you all want to watch) then am going out with an old friend from France who will be in town. (Which in and of itself may be a bit awkward since he’s the old roommate of TBFD.) So basically, this weekend is going to be one big marathon of watching myself act and cringing at the sight of it while refilling my silo cup with beer. Because that’s just what I do.

Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi.

This was just said:

Me: Do you know which state my parents are in right now?
BF: No, I don't remember. Why don't you check Twitter?

The day has come where I have to check my parents Twitter page to keep up with them. . . . what is this world coming to?

The Last Thing You Want to do When You’re Hungover is Clean Up Your Pet’s Runny Poop From Your Computer Cords

This weekend was quite an adventure. Friday night I went out with a couple girls to the outdoor bar at Bryant Park and then off to Cellar Bar where a friend of mine bartends. We had Canadian hockey players hitting on us all night- possibly because I informed them of the results of the Stanley Cup (I conveniently didn’t mention that the reason I knew who won was because the BF was at home watching, until after they ordered me a drink). What? A girls gotta drink! I vacantly remember stumbling home at some godforsaken hour and taking off my heels in the dirty stairwell of my apartment building.

Saturday, feeling a wee bit hungover I was getting ready for a show at Arlene’s Grocery when I smelled something awful. I peeked in the litterbox . . . no cat there. Hmm. . . I followed my nose to behind the couch and saw Jimmy sitting there in a pile of shit. “Jimmy! What are you doing?!?! You know that’s not the litterbox!” He looked up at me with loving eyes that said, “Mommy, don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to!” So, I sighed and grabbed a roll of paper towels and the 409. Then it happened. I moved the couch and bent down and . . . SPLIIIIIT. My oldest and most favorite pair of jeans split right down the crotch. They were irreparable. Almost in tears, I proceeded to assess the aftermath of damage from Jimmy’s runny poop. Oh god. It’s in the massage chair that we keep behind the sofa. And it’s covering a pile of computer cords including my Mac power cord and camera charger! I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed at the massage chair, but it was already absorbed into the tiny little holes in the material, so I set it aside to be thrown away. The cords took a good hour of cleaning, and honestly I’m not even sure if I got all of the crap off.

Trust me, the last thing you want to do when you’re hungover is clean up your pet’s runny poop from your computer cords.

The bands at Arlene’s grocery were hilarious and I felt much better Sunday morning due to me only drinking water the night before. But last night, the cats started going crazy and kept me up all night. They’re like babies. Jimmy wouldn’t stop meowing while I was trying to sleep until I held him. So a new week has begun and I don’t feel rested in the least bit.

I’m off to rehearsal in a bit and pulling out a weird energy drink someone gave to me at a callback last week. I’m exhausted and I need some wings. Thankfully, I’m playing a 12 year old for this rehearsal, so my crankiness will probably work. As all acting teachers say, USE IT.

Balancing Act

(I can't take credit for this photo- I totally stole it from this blog)

It’s difficult to find a balance between career, family, friends, and peace of mind. Especially for someone like myself who has to have a part time “survival” job and then spends an additional 40+ hours a week on acting. I feel like I’m always letting someone down. Last weekend I was supposed to travel upstate to help my parents load up a Uhaul from my Grandma’s old house and help drive it back to MD. Unfortunately at the last minute I had to cancel due to a callback. Imagine my frustration when I went to the callback and heard they were having additional ones for the people who couldn’t make it.

I’m constantly on the run and find myself canceling plans with friends, not returning phone calls and emails, and becoming forgetful. I need to simplify things. Just as I was pondering these things the other day, I came across this article from the New York Times entitled, The Joy of Less. It’s basically the story of someone who gave up his fancy NYC job and home to move to Kyoto, with basically nothing. No cell phone, no computer, no internet, no car, no bike, nothing. And he is so much happier than ever before. Then I came across a blog that proposed that the answer to happiness is to be in the moment, as opposed to being only goal oriented. I totally related to that because I’m extremely goal oriented. I’m never satisfied with what I’m doing. I always want more. No film is good enough, no show is fulfilling enough. It makes me wonder, if I will every truly feel a sense of accomplishment, or if I will always be looking for the next best thing?

So for the next week, I am going to work on being in the moment. I’m not going to focus on the negatives. I’m going to hum, I’m going to walk lightly through the streets, and smell the fresh scent of rain. I’m going to concentrate on the play I’m in instead of wondering what will come next. I’m going to stop waiting for my life to start. I’m here now. It’s time to live.

Tripping Through Life

Argh. . . . I'm so frustrated. I just wrote a formidable blog entry filled with humor and drama and it got DELETED. I just had an almost irresistible urge to stab a pen into my computer screen. Anyway, it went something like this:

I am not graceful. Not at all. Any thought of mine that I could ever become a ballerina was completely obliterated today. I snuck out of work to run in the rain to Times Square for an open call for Disney Princess look-alikes. The call was for Disneyland in Hong Kong and since I've been itching for a change lately, I thought I'd give it a whirl. Only, I don't whirl. Not literally anyway. I should have been wary when I saw other girls putting on character shoes and doing stretches. Or when my group walked into the audition room only to find floor to ceiling mirrors and a ballet bar. Or when the choreographer from Disney was introduced and exclaimed, "This will be so easy for all of you. If you can walk, then you can do this."

Apparently I can't walk. The routine was easy enough, but I lacked the grace that a Disney princess would have. Some people practically floated, whereas I was lanky and awkward looking. I've always been a klutz (everytime I do a runway show, my heart starts fluttering in fear that I will fall ala Carrie in Sex in the City). Tee used to tease me all the time for constantly walking into her and I actually tripped down the stairs of Merriweather Post Pavillion during my highschool graduation.

Oh well, I guess I'm not meant to be a princess after all. Being stuck in a tower all day doesn't sound too terrbily exciting anyway.

Funnily enough, I ran into an old friend of mine at the audition. I did a play with her for the Mobtown Players back in Baltimore when I was in college and she was 16, and today she came up from Bmore for the audition. It's so crazy how so much can change throughout the years but our desire to act remains the same.

My cat is trying to take a nap on my keyboard so I think that's my key to exit. I'll try not to trip on anything else tonight.

Overheard at My Place Last Night:

Nee: “I mean we all know that E is batshit crazy and that’s why we love her. And J (the BF) seems pretty normal but the fact that he’s been with her so long means he must be just as loony!"

I love my friends :)

Weekends

I had a very productive weekend which included a callback, having lunch with an old friend, celebrating another friends b-day, doing laundry (HUGE), hosting a mojito/fondue party, and a surprisingly good amount of sleep. It feels great to know I actually got stuff done this weekend, as opposed to sleeping it away and watching movies like I usually do.

My callback was fun. The problem is that I can never tell how I do. And it is always really weird to check out the competition when you’re that far along (it was the 2nd callback- the producer and writer flew in from LA). It appeared that it was between me and another girl and I LOVED her. I of course didn’t see her audition but she had that certain Je ne sai quoi. I wanted to be bff’s with her, and I can totally see why she would be perfect for the part. I think it’s always better to get along with your competition. There’s really no reason to be snarky and competitive unless you’re trying to psych out your competition, which I suppose some people do. But I would much rather someone that I like get a part over me as opposed to someone who's an asshole. Then again, I would rather get the part myself, but we shall see what happens!

Last night the BF and I hosted a fondue and mojito night. About half the people that were supposed to come showed up, which is probably a good thing since we have a tiny apartment. I saw a few people that I hadn’t spoken to in awhile simply because our lives have been so hectic. Two of my friends and I met 2 ½ years ago doing a play and it’s amazing how much our lives have changed since then. Well, it’s amazing how much their lives have changed. Mine actually seems kinda mundane in comparison. One of them decided that medicine was actually her true passion and is now going to med school. The other informed me that he may be moving to Serbia in a couple months for a girl. I’ve been itching for a change lately and it seems like everyone else has been too. Maybe it’s time to put those LA plans into action. . .

Anywoo, its Monday morning now and I’m at my soul sucking part time job. Sometimes I feel that the words I write on this page are the only escape I have from this silly corporate world that I do not belong to. I wish I could be skipping barefoot through a park right now. . . . but that will have to wait until the next weekend.

She's Not Sweating, She's Glowing

Last night I was at one of my many odd jobs. This one entailed me giving out samples of deodorant at a Local Designer Show. It was odd being on the other side of the table this year, because I usually go to the show as a shopper. (This particular show is a very high profile event that happens once a year when a bunch of chic designers get together to showcase and sell their clothing, jewelry, purses, etc). Pros of working the event instead of shopping: I made money instead of spending money, I worked with a good friend of mine, and I still got to look at the crazy, weird, sometimes stylish, sometimes offending outfits people were wearing. Oh and I got loads of free samples of deodorant. (Though that doesn’t really matter since I don’t use deodorant containing antiperspirants because of the aluminum.) Cons: I didn’t get to buy any new clothes (though this is probably a pro considering my current budget) and I didn’t get to take advantage of the open bar (which is a HUGE con).

Another Con: It’s probably not such a good idea to tell the client that her product causes cancer. Let me backtrack- I’ve done quite a bit of research on antiperspirants and have come to the conclusion that nothing good can come out of them. The active ingredient in antiperspirants is aluminum which is used to clog your sweat glands to stop sweat from coming out. There are many many arguments over whether this is dangerous or not, but to me, anything that is used to block something that is supposed to happen naturally can’t be good. That combined with the fact that aluminum is capable of causing DNA damage and has been linked to Alzheimer’s is enough for me to stick with my natural deodorant, thankyouverymuch.

And when the client started to explain to us the difference between antiperspirant and deodorant, (which btw, who doesn’t know the difference in this day and age? Or perhaps I’ve simply read too many beauty magazines…), I blurted out, “the difference is that antiperspirant causes cancer!”

DEAD SILENCE

Client: “Um, well yes it does, but please don’t say that while you’re working.”

Oops.

Me: “Omg, I am so sorry. I just . . . its word vomit . . . it just . . . comes out.”

Client: “Just please don’t ‘word vomit’ when talking to the consumers, ok?”

Me: “Umm, yeah! Sure thing!”

And scene.

This is my life. I give deodorant out to people and get into debates with the client over the health problems their product may be causing. I don’t think they’ll be hiring me as a spokesperson anytime soon . . .

But seriously girls, please reconsider your deodorant. The only reason antiperspirant is even used is because women don’t want to ever be seen sweating. You’ll find that men's deodorants don’t contain them. And come on, a little sweat is kinda sexy, right? I mean, maybe not when it’s coming out of your armpits, but a little natural “glow” never hurt anyone.

Maybe next year I'll stick to just the shopping.

How Do You Tell a Friend You Don't Like Her BF?

You blog about it! Haha, not really.

I absolutely detest one of my friend’s boyfriends. I have tried to like him time and time again but I’m tired of trying. I usually get along with everyone and I stay away from the “he said, she said” type gossip, but this man seems determined to be on my bad side. He is the most pretentious human being I have ever met in my life. He is the king of back handed compliments and I can’t think of a single interaction I have ever had with him where he didn’t manage to insult me. You would think that I would take everything he says with a grain of salt, but no matter how much I try, he always manages to get under my skin.

The thing that sucks is that I really love my friend but don’t get to see her very often because I don’t want to see him. I deal with enough negativity in my industry; I don’t need anymore from a silly boy. But how do you tell someone you don’t like their partner? You don’t. You pretend to be supportive because you love her and you want what makes her happy. Relationships are tricky. The worst thing a girl can do is try to make her friend choose between her and her man and I would never dream of doing that.

I don’t remember having these issues when I was younger. When we were all in high school all my friends told each other exactly what they thought about each others current boyfriends without a thought to it. But I suppose now it’s different. Now many people are choosing life partners, not just some high school fling.

Thanks loyal readers for letting me vent. I had to get that off my chest ☺ Maybe I should just stick with my cats who don’t have these kinds of issues. I can totally understand why some women become cat ladies. I may just turn into one myself.

Psychosis

In a rare disregard for the anonymity of this blog, I am actually posting a real pic of me. This is me paying to see my own movie. Priceless.

Sometimes I find myself making strenuous faces and muttering under my breath. And then when I realize what I’m doing, I wonder if crazy people and I are on the same wavelength. This happens frequently to me because I constantly let my mind wander and find myself (in my mind) in deeply unsettling situations. Sometimes, I even find my eyes brimming with tears or seething with anger, just at the idea of something that’s not really happening. Then something will distract me and I quickly snap out of it. I’ve been doing this since I was a child, and I used to think that something must be wrong with me in that I could feel so deeply for situations that were all in my head. Now, I believe that it is that same very thing inside of me that makes me an actress. And if only I could tap into it more when I’m on camera or stage, then maybe, just maybe one day I could be a brilliant actress.

So, last night was another infamous trip to Jersey to see my film premier and it did not disappoint. True to our “getting lost in Jersey” style, Carpe (one of the other actresses from the film) and I met up at port authority and managed to wander in circles for over 20 minutes and miss the first bus. Luckily, when we eventually rushed onto the correct bus, everyone on board helped us get to where we needed to go. One lady even got off a stop early to walk us to the movie theatre herself. I love nice people!

Then came the movie. . . . I really don’t like watching myself onscreen. I pick apart every little piece of my performance and wonder why I didn’t do this or that. I used to think celebrities were just being snide when they said they hated going to their own premiers but I understand why. This is the third movie I’ve seen myself in on the big screen and it never gets any easier. I guess like any artist, I feel my work is never done. Like a little girl, every time my character said something, I snickered with laughter.

I have a lot to do with my film career. Part of me feels that I should throw all the acting training I’ve had out the window. Well, most of it anyway. The only way to get better is to keep doing it and sometimes all those methods that we learned in classes just jumble everything up. I need to wipe the slate clean and just feel. And try to tap into that part of me that gets emotional at the mere thought of something. Maybe there is a closer connection to psychosis and acting then we ever thought . . .

Popcorn

So tired. I shot a short film yesterday and was on set for 13 hours and am now contentedly exhausted. It is a hilarious film, directed by THE KEV, a gentleman I have had the pleasure of working with before. The entire cast and crew got along so well and the entire day was filled with hilarity. During some of my downtime, I curled up on the couch, listening to the low murmur of everyone’s jumbled speech and signed happily. It reminded me of taking naps after Thanksgiving dinner at home when the whole family is talking merrily and a feeling of comfort overtakes you. That speaks loads for the people I was working with.

Anywho, now back to the part time job and wishing I was on a set. Tonight is the world premier of a film where I get to play an MI-6 agent. I’m very excited to see it. Though, I’m a bit surprised that I have to pay to see my own movie. I can just see myself now going to the box office and saying, “Yes, I’d like one ticket please to the 6pm showing of MY movie. Nine dollars? Terrific!” And it’s in Jersey- the land of the lost. And by that, I mean that I get lost every single time that I have ever taken a bus there. I expect tonight shall be no different.

I have to say that the idea of people eating popcorn and sitting in a movie theatre watching me is thrilling. And it’s the popcorn part of it that thrills me. I don’t know why. I guess popcorn just makes it feel more real. Now let’s just hope I can stay awake :)