Did America Ferrera Ever Go Through This?

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO? The thought is running through my head over and over again. My audition for Ugly Betty started out smoothly. Then the casting Director asked me to do it in a Queens accent. My first line was fine. The second one was ok until I said the last word “class.”

CD: No it’s Claass, not ClAs.
ME: Claaaaaass
CD: No, Claass
ME: ClAs
CD: No, repeat after me: Claass
ME: Claaaaaass
CD: No! Say “air”
ME: Air
CD: Now say Clais, without the r in air
ME: ClAAAAAs
CD: (shaking his head) No, that’s not it
ME: Claaaas
CD: It’s in the back of your throat, Clais
ME: Clais
CD: Good! Now say the line again

I say the line and immediately look back to the CD afterwards

CD: This time don’t look at me- stay in the scene

This is acting 101 people, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I say the line again.

CD: Claiss
ME: Claaaaass
CD: Claiss
ME: Claaaas
CD: Claiss
ME: I say the line with Claiss
CD: Good, that’s it!

I thank him while laughing and leave the audition room. If only it had ended there.

I went down the elevator, across the parking lot, and began waiting for the shuttle to take me back to the subway. While waiting on a bench, I began talking to another actor. A man who was 65 and has been trying to make it since he was 24. He still does extra work. He doesn’t even have an agent. I began mentally freaking out. I always believed that if you just tried and stuck with it then you would make it, but here was clear evidence right in front of me that this was not the case. We got into the shuttle and I began repeating the line that I was having trouble with and laughed to the man about how now I could actually do it but when I was in there how horrible I was. I joked about how I should go back up there. Then it happened.
Before I knew what was happening, the joke turned into a serious idea and I opened the shuttle door and sprinted across the parking lot, into the elevator and up to the casting floor. I ran into the C.A’s office and exclaimed, “I can do it! I can say class!”

I went back.

Why, oh why, did I go back?

The C.A’s smile faltered and I said, “I’m sorry, I know I’m weird, I was just like, oh I have to show her that I can do it now!” She replied awkwardly, “its okay.” Then she asked me to leave her office and sit in the waiting room. Then she came out a minute later and said, I’m sorry, we just don’t have the time to see you again. We’re really busy.

Oh My God. What the hell did I just do? When sprinting across the parking lot, never in my imagination had it crossed my mind that they might not let me read again. Why hadn’t I thought this through? In my mind I was going to be given a huge pat on the back and assurances that the role was mine. . . boy am I delusional. The fact that the CD had worked with me for so long before was probably a good thing now that I think about it, but now that I went back up I am pretty sure I’m kuput. Rule #1 to actors: DO NOT SCARE THE CASTING DIRECTORS! Do not act psycho. And don’t listen to the encouragement of 65 year old men who still haven’t made it. Bless his poor little heart.

I am now the answer to the question that Casting Directors always get in seminars: What not to do as an actor? Don’t pull an E!

This could go one of two ways. They could either remember me in a good way as someone eager to work at any role or they could remember me as the desperate psycho and never let me work for ABC again. OMG. FML. I gotta run to rehearsal now. At least I’ll be able to do my scenes of despair well.