Should I stay or should I go now?

Ok, so I’m in a weird place right now. Stuck between what is comfortable and what could be. I am being incredibly micro-managed at my part time job which is annoying and stressful. Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay, will I remain in a stagnant place forever? If I go, will I open up doors or will I not be able to afford rent?

. . . wow . . . I just googled the lyrics to that song because I can’t remember the title and I came across a random person’s blog who is in deep despair. This is what I just read:

I am at a loss. A complete loss. It has been one year. One year to the day that he left me at his sister's house in that shithole Texas town, and I'm lost. Maybe the road is my home. Did I not try hard enough? Maybe too hard. I just don't know. Running around this town, from bar to bar, boy to boy, desperate for the feeling I used to get from the wind in my hair. I lost my job. Again. I want to stay. Prove to myself that I can stay in one place. If I can stay in one place, maybe someday I'll be able to stay with one person. If I can stay in one place, maybe I'll have a shot at love. If I continue to stay in one place, maybe I'll wither away into nothing. A black spot on the sidewalk, a crumpled mess of second hand designer jeans. Maybe its time. Time for what, I don't know. Do I stay or do I go now? If I go there will be trouble, if I stay there will be double.

I can't even get a job cocktailing at the strip club. This is a nightmare. This is not the way this or anything else was supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to be just another pretty face. Not me, not the powerful passionate presence I used to be. I feel like that day one year ago broke me. It took that last bit of flesh surrounding my heart and turned it to stone. I can't feel anything anymore. Not love, not pain. Just a dull throb in my chest that refuses to cease despite all my efforts to make it stop.

Where do I go now? How many more chances at happiness am I allowed to blow? Uggh. Thu-thump. Thu-thump. The sound of a hammer against my veins.

Wowzers! I don’t know if it’s even legal for me to post this, but this is what I want in life! (Not to feel crushed and lost), but to tell people’s stories! I don’t know who this woman is (though she is a brilliant writer), but I want people to feel her pain, her hope, and her passion. I want to be her in a movie. I want her story to be heard. It’s amazing how love can break us into so many pieces. I’m sure lots of people can sympathize with this girl and I want them to hear her story so they know they’re not alone.

Well, I’m off to prepare for an audition. I’m not going to say what it is yet because I don’t want to jinx myself but send wishes of leg breaking my way!