I’m closing my eyes and clicking my heals together whispering, “I wish I were home, I wish I were home, I wish I were home. . .” Nope, still in this damn cubicle. I don’t know why I still have this part time job. I am an awful employee. I suck at administrative stuff (filing, alphabetizing, making phone calls), I am always late, I apply to acting jobs the whole time I’m here, and I constantly sneak out for auditions. (Boss, if you’re reading this, I’m totally just kidding. . . I’m an awesome employee and would never use company time to my own advantage ;) )
I know my Mom is probably shaking her head at this blog entry and thinking, “Oh E, don’t write anything that could get you fired” but the truth of the matter is that I have been trying to get fired for two years now and have come to realize that there is nothing I can do that would make them get rid of me. I really am grateful for this job- though the pay is shit, it’s just enough to cover my rent and I actually get health insurance. I don’t know any other actresses at my level with health insurance so I should hold onto it as long as I can. The problem is that it is soul sucking. I am not meant to sit in a cubicle. I’m just not. That’s not to say that I look down on those who are- there are plenty of wonderful people who would rather be nowhere else. I’m just not one of them. I need sunshine. I need air. I need more than this awful fluorescent lighting.
I mean, honestly a ten year old could do this job. Again, I am grateful for it . . . I would rather do this than bartend to a bunch of horny assholes, but I’d also rather not have to do any of it. I’m sick and tired of all of us actors having these dumb survival jobs. For goodness sakes, I’m working at an after party for the NYC Muscle Show Saturday night. A muscle show. If I told my highschool self that this is what I would be doing, I would have cracked up and assured this crazy person from the future that I am a straight A student in all AP classes. But sadly, being an artist is not particularly socially acceptable if you haven’t made it yet so we are reduced to brainless jobs that work around our crazy artist schedules.
But I’d still rather be doing this than working a 9-5 in some stuffy corporate job. Again- if that’s your cup of tea then all the more power to you. It’s just not my particular drink of choice. I’m more of a tequila type of gal.
I know my Mom is probably shaking her head at this blog entry and thinking, “Oh E, don’t write anything that could get you fired” but the truth of the matter is that I have been trying to get fired for two years now and have come to realize that there is nothing I can do that would make them get rid of me. I really am grateful for this job- though the pay is shit, it’s just enough to cover my rent and I actually get health insurance. I don’t know any other actresses at my level with health insurance so I should hold onto it as long as I can. The problem is that it is soul sucking. I am not meant to sit in a cubicle. I’m just not. That’s not to say that I look down on those who are- there are plenty of wonderful people who would rather be nowhere else. I’m just not one of them. I need sunshine. I need air. I need more than this awful fluorescent lighting.
I mean, honestly a ten year old could do this job. Again, I am grateful for it . . . I would rather do this than bartend to a bunch of horny assholes, but I’d also rather not have to do any of it. I’m sick and tired of all of us actors having these dumb survival jobs. For goodness sakes, I’m working at an after party for the NYC Muscle Show Saturday night. A muscle show. If I told my highschool self that this is what I would be doing, I would have cracked up and assured this crazy person from the future that I am a straight A student in all AP classes. But sadly, being an artist is not particularly socially acceptable if you haven’t made it yet so we are reduced to brainless jobs that work around our crazy artist schedules.
But I’d still rather be doing this than working a 9-5 in some stuffy corporate job. Again- if that’s your cup of tea then all the more power to you. It’s just not my particular drink of choice. I’m more of a tequila type of gal.
I completely understand. I am miserable at my day job. I dont audition much anymore...but my heart belongs to arts. Keep up the good work of balancing it all (including caring for new kitten) I have to go back to being a bad employee....This is definitely where I saw my life headed. ~Maisha
ReplyDeleteI hear you on this. When I left a job teaching kids with emotional disorders, it was midway through the school year. I couldn't find another teaching job so I took a job as an office manager for an audiology practice. I thought I could see my soul leaving my body some days. Luckily, I'm back with crazy kids and couldn't be happier.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys- it's nice to know I'm not the only one! Sometimes I feel like the dementors from Harry Potter are coming for me.
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