Can't We Go Back to the Barter System?

Ayiyiyi. Miss E just almost had a mini breakdown after looking at her bank statement. But she took a glass of shiraz out onto the fire escape and calmly collected herself. I have never had this little money. This is the first month in a very long time where my expenses are higher than my income. And it sucks. I debated over writing about my finances on this blog, but know it’s a common thing that most artists stress about and we all know that misery loves company.

I live in a pint size apartment that costs over $2000 a month. And that’s considered a good deal. But this is the life I chose so I can’t really complain. What I need is a budget. No more impulse spending, no more (ok less) clothing shopping, and most of all no more expensive restaurants where we rack up liquor bills that would make our mothers cry. Yes, this is the solution. I need a budget.

But I can feel a small fury rising up inside me. I don’t want to have to worry about money during the summer! I want to be able to sip my $10 mojitos on the sidewalk of some quaint café while relaxing in a new summer dress. I want a vacation! I want to buy new books from the bookstore so I don’t have to use those gross grimy ones on the New York City Public Library shelves (I normally love libraries but the books in the ones I’ve been to here in the city are sooo dirty). I want to be able to order Thai whenever I want instead of making dinner at home (because let’s be honest, most of the time my cooking tastes only slightly better than salted cardboard).

I have to quell the toddler inside of me and think realistically. But it’s hard when I can hear Manchester United fans chanting their war song (even though they lost to Barcelona) across the street at a pub. I don’t even watch soccer and I want to go join them! I don’t want to miss out on the fun. So here’s what I’m going to do. . . . become a stripper.

Wait, but that would require me to take my clothes off so that’s not going to work. Drug dealer? No, I’ve watched too many Locked Up Abroad Episodes to get into that. Sell a kidney on the black market? I only need one of those right? The only thing I can do is subdue my spending. Ok, a budget it is. I think I’m already on the right track. After all, my shiraz is a Two Buck Chuck.