Control

This detox isn’t working. I have no self control. I’ve only been doing it for a few hours and I already broke down and drank a cup of coffee. I feel like I have little control with any part of my life right now.

I have so much passion and so much ambition and I just don’t know where to put it all. I’m doing all or the “right” things. I’m going to agent seminars, taking classes with casting directors, and inviting agents to all of my shows. The problem is that they a) aren’t looking for new clients at the moment, b) already have 5 clients of my “type”, and c) don’t come to any of the shows. I need to start thinking outside the box. Hmm, perhaps I can stand outside of an agent’s building and start screaming my monologue?

It’s not that I’m not getting work- I am. And I love every second of all the acting jobs I’m doing. But there aren’t enough. I still have to have a “survival” job, I still have to handle the business side of things solo, and I still feel as though I have no control over where I could be or what I’ll be doing tomorrow.

The economy isn’t helping any either. I went from having an average of 8 auditions a week to 2 a week (although I do have two today, so maybe things are looking up). And the fact that we’re still working without a SAG contract means that many people are now going with non-union actors instead of us unionized actors.

But I’m still trying to remain positive! I have very high hopes for the film that I’m currently in and am so excited for the two remaining days of shooting we have. I just hope that another satisfying project comes up again soon after.

In the meantime, I think I’ll make up my own detox. One that actually involves food.